


How to Break a Heart

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Anniversary, Betrayal, Boyband, Boys Kissing, Brothers, Confrontations, Established Relationship, Family Issues, M/M, MarKian, Nude Photos, Outdoor Sex, Rape Fantasy, Rimming, Secrets, Sexual Assault, Sexual Fantasy, Shnicky - Freeform, Slash, Spa Sex, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:31:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shane asks his brother for advice on how to fullfill his lover's fantasy but gets more help than he intended</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nicky carefully poured wine into one of the glasses Shane was holding in his hand. He smiled then leaned forward and kissed the younger boy; a quick peck before he pulled back and poured a second glass. The blonde then placed the bottle on the decking and turned his attention back to his lover.  
He took one of the glasses from Shane then the brunette reached over and pressed a button, causing the spa to immediately fill with bubbles. Nicky raised his glass, staring intently into Shane’s eyes.

“To us” Nicky toasted.  
“To eighteen months together” Shane added. “And many, many years to come”

They clinked their glasses before each taking a long sip. Shane moved forward and captured Nicky’s lips in a deep, tender kiss. The older boy responded instantly, plunging his tongue into Shane’s eager mouth. They kissed for quite some time, both taking turns to dominate the embrace.  
Once the need for oxygen became an issue, Shane pulled away then he leaned back and let the warm, bubbling water sooth him. He held his drink above the water level and took the occasional sip. Over the brim of the glass, he watched as Nicky picked up a strawberry from the bowl beside the wine bottle and raised it to his lips.

Their eyes met as Nicky’s tongue slid out of his mouth and slowly massaged the strawberry. He twirled it around and around, sliding it into his mouth then back out again. With each movement, he saw the arousal growing in Shane’s eyes. Nicky licked every inch of the strawberry, never once breaking eye contact with his lover. The blonde was oh so very aware of the effect his display was having on Shane.

“So hot” Shane murmured. “So sexy”   
“I know you are” Nicky whispered. “But what am I?”

Shane put his drink aside, reached over and grabbed hold of Nicky’s wrist. He then leaned in, his lips ghosting against the blonde’s ear and whispered a single word.  
“Mine”

The brunette raised Nicky’s wrist to his mouth and quickly stole a bite of the strawberry. As he chewed and swallowed it, Nicky pouted at him. Shane took the glass from the blonde and placed it beside his own then he pushed Nicky up against the edge of the spa.  
The older boy stared at him with eager anticipation. As Shane leaned in to kiss him, Nicky swiftly brought the rest of the strawberry to his mouth and ate it.

“You’re such a tease, Nix” Shane whispered in his lover’s ear.  
“Oh, you love it and you know it” Nicky replied.

The brunette slowly brought his hands up, running them up Nicky’s smooth chest and squeezing one of his nipples. His lover gave a small gasp and bucked his hips. Even through the bubbling warm water Shane could feel his lover’s eagerness. He leaned in and slowly began to trail kisses down Nicky’s neck and along his shoulder. This caused the blonde to shudder and groan.

Then Nicky took control. He reached up and placed his hand upon Shane’s neck. He brought Shane’s face up to meet his and kissed him firmly on the lips. Once he had control, Nicky swiftly pushed forward, shifting Shane’s body across the water and stopped when Shane’s form pressed up against the wall. Then he brought their lips together in another deep kiss. Shane groaned as he felt Nicky’s hand on his chest before sliding down inside his pants.

“God Nix” Shane panted. “Feels so good”  
The warm water, the bubbles and Nicky’s hand on his cock was driving Shane wild.  
“You like that, do you?” Nicky asked. “Us… Outside… in your backyard”  
“Yes”  
“Can you feel the jets of air at your back?”  
“Yes”  
“Does it feel good?”  
“Yes”

Nicky’s lips barely left Shane’s as he asked question after question.  
“Feel my hand on you through the water?” he whispered.  
“Uh huh”  
Shane’s mind wasn’t working in unison with his body anymore. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his lover’s voice and touch.

“How have we never done this before?” Nicky asked as he moved his hand up and down Shane’s length.  
“Was afraid to ask” Shane admitted.  
“To ask what?”  
“Thought you’d say no” Shane added as he thrust his hips into Nicky’s hand.  
“Say no to what?” Nicky nipped at the base of Shane’s ear.  
“My… fantasy”  
“Which is…?”  
“To… fuck you… hard… outside… in this… very spa”

Nicky stopped and pulled his hand away, causing Shane to whimper in protest.  
The brunette opened his eyes and noticed the way Nicky was staring at him. His face instantly began to flush red with embarrassment.   
He swallowed hard and looked away from his lover. Perhaps it was too soon to start talking about their sexual fetishes.

“That’s what you want?” Nicky asked. His voice was deadpanned.  
Shane opened his eyes and stared into his lover’s deep blue orbs. Nicky stared back at him, a slight twinkle in his eye.

“More than anything” Shane replied. He stared into the blonde’s eyes with as much love and desire as he could.  
“Then do it” Nicky replied.  
“What?” Shane widened his eyes in surprise.

Nicky smiled before leaning forward and crushing their lips together. He pulled away, leaving Shane gasping for breath. The blonde then moved back, placing a small amount of distance between them before sliding both his hands underneath the water.  
A moment later his hand breached the surface and he was clutching his swimwear. Shane licked his lips as he realized that Nicky was now completely naked.

“Do it” Nicky whispered. “Anything you want… My body is yours to do whatever you want to it”  
“N… Nicky…” Shane stammered. “I… Are… Are you sure?”  
“Do it… Do me, Shane… I love you” Nicky insisted. “And I trust you with all my heart so I want you to.... Right here and right now”  
“Nix”

The blonde tossed his shorts onto the decking before gliding through the water and settling himself in his lover’s lap. He wrapped his arms around Shane’s neck and looked into his eyes.

“I know we’ve never talked about… this kind of… stuff before” Nicky began. “But… We’ve been together long enough that… That we can be honest with each other… And…” he leaned in, quickly kissing him before pulling back. “Never be afraid to share with me, I love you and I… Anything you want, anything I can give to you… All you ever have to do is… ask”  
Shane swallowed nervously. Nicky leaned over and ran his tongue teasingly down his lover’s neck.

“Nicky?” Shane whispered. “Can I…?”  
“Yes” Nicky breathed. “Fuck me… Please?”

 

The blonde leaned down and kissed Shane as hard and fierce as he could. He parted his lips and waited for Shane’s tongue to breach him. As the brunette forced his way into Nicky’s mouth, the blonde rocked his hips. His naked ass brushed across Shane’s growing hardness.  
“Fuck me” Nicky begged.

It was all the encouragement Shane needed. He grabbed one of Nicky’s hands and clutched it tightly before resuming his earlier attack on his lover’s neck. He licked and nipped at the sensitive skin while Nicky moaned and pleaded for more.

“Want to fuck you” Shane murmured. “Going to fuck you”  
“Please” Nicky replied as he closed his eyes.  
“Need to prepare you” Nicky simply nodded his head in understanding. “Want to watch you do it yourself”

Nicky groaned in excitement then lowered his hand beneath the water. He ran his hand along Shane’s thigh before moving towards his own naked ass. Even though Shane couldn’t see through all the bubbles, he could tell when Nicky’s fingers breached his body. The moan that passed his lover’s lips was almost enough to make Shane want to take him immediately.  
The blonde slid one then two fingers inside himself and slowly worked them in and out of his body. As he slid a third digit inside, he bucked his hips and cried out. Shane stole the cry from his lips with an intense kiss.

“Ohhhh” Nicky broke their kiss. “Gonna feel so good”  
“Yeah” Shane agreed as he licked his lips; Nicky’s actions were having the desired effect on Shane’s cock.  
“More” Nicky panted. “Need more”  
“More what?” Shane asked.  
“Everything! Talk dirty to me, Shay”

Shane reached down and squeezed Nicky’s cheeks. The blonde moaned and Shane smiled. He paused for a moment. He’d never been very adventurous, had been hesitant to reveal his secret desire to his lover but Nicky hadn’t even flinched… Now he was being asked to ‘talk dirty’… something he’d never done before. What if he said the wrong thing?

The brunette squeezed Nicky’s ass cheek once more and the older boy moaned.  
“Do you like that?” Shane whispered.  
“Yes” Nicky moaned as Shane’s index finger breached his crack.  
“Do you want more?”  
“Yes!”  
“How much more?”  
“All of it” Nicky moaned. “Please?”

Shane slid two more fingers inside his moaning lover. Nicky cried out as the brunette’s fingers teased him.  
“You’re so sexy” Shane whispered. “Fuck yourself”  
“Uh” Nicky bit his lip as he began to grind his hips, rocking himself and riding Shane’s fingers.

Nicky bucked his hips, his hard cock rubbing against Shane’s naked chest. The older boy slid his hand around Shane’s neck, pulled him close and kissed him deeply. Shane brought his other hand around and grasped Nicky’s hardness.  
“You’re hard for me” Shane said between kisses.  
“I’m always hard for you” Nicky replied.  
“I want you to scream my name… I want you to tell me what you want”  
“Shane! Just fuck me already”

The anticipation was building and Nicky’s cock was rock hard. His entire body felt like it was on fire and he needed Shane’s hard cock inside him to help quench his desire.   
“Please, baby?” Nicky panted. “Want your cock!”

Shane retracted his fingers. Nicky growled as his lover’s digits left him feeling empty. The brunette kissed the older boy as deeply as he could as he pushed his lover through the water. Nicky’s back connected with the wall and he moaned as the jet of water pressed against his back.

“Gonna fuck you so hard” Shane whispered.  
Nicky ran his hands down his lover’s body and slipped them into his shorts. Shane placed his own hands atop of Nicky’s and together they removed Shane’s swimwear. The brunette tossed them aside, not caring where they landed, as he lapped at Nicky’s delicate neck.

“Please Shay” Nicky begged.   
“You look so hot” Shane insisted. “So fucking hot right now…”  
“Mmmmm”  
“Are you ready for me? Ready for my cock?”  
“Uh huh… Now… please?”

Shane nipped at Nicky’s skin causing the blonde to yelp. His cock throbbed with excitement as he parted his legs as wide as possible. Shane slid between Nicky’s thighs and pressed his body against his lover’s.

“Please?” Nicky begged.  
He wrapped his legs around Shane’s waist as the brunette grasped his own cock. He positioned himself in just the right spot, wrapped his other arm around Nicky’s waist and held him tightly as he slammed his cock deep inside Nicky’s waiting ass.

“Oh God” Nicky cried out. “YES!”  
“Do you like that?” Shane asked. “You’re such a slut… You’re a slut for my hard cock, aren’t you Nix?”  
“I am”  
“Say it… I want to hear you say it”  
“I’m a slut… I need your cock. I love your cock… Now fuck me…. Harder, harder!”

Shane was more than happy to oblige. His mind was reeling and his heart was racing. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening… That Nicky was actually letting him do and say these things to him… his entire body was shaking with excitement. Not only was Nicky letting him but the blonde was playing along.

“Fuck me… Fuck me…” Nicky panted.  
“Someone’s going to be sore tomorrow” Shane whispered in his ear.  
“I don’t care just keep doing that… right there… That’s it… Harder…”

It felt like hours that they moved together as one. Shane called Nicky names while the blonde just begged for more. The younger boy thrust his hips, slamming Nicky’s body against the spa wall. The blonde could feel the jet stream pressing into his back but he didn’t care, Shane was riding him harder than ever before.   
Nicky wasn’t sure what had overcome his lover but he never wanted it to end. Shane was like a wild animal, grinding and thrusting with such animalistic tendencies. The blonde cried out when he felt Shane’s teeth digging into his neck.

“Fuck, Shay” Nicky screamed.

Shane’s eyes scanned the yard. He knew they were alone but there was still a slight chance that someone could pay a visit and catch them. The very idea sent a thrill down Shane’s spine. He wondered what would happen if someone *did* interrupt them… He was certain that they were putting on quite a show.  
It was the most mind-blowing sexual encounter Shane had ever had and when he came, it was longer and more intense than he could ever remember it being.

Nicky screamed louder than ever as his own orgasm overtook him. He found himself panting, struggling to draw breath as he came down from his high. Shane’s hand caressed his face, urging him to meet his eye. They gazed into each other’s eyes before sharing a simple kiss.  
“I love you, Nicky” Shane whispered.  
“And I love you” Nicky replied.  
“Perhaps we should take this inside?”  
Nicky nodded in agreement.

They climbed out of the spa; each grabbed a towel and dried themselves off. Nicky turned the water and the outside lights off while Shane collected the wine, strawberries and their glasses. The couple made their way inside the house, both finding any opportunity to touch each other.  
They showered together before climbing into their bed. Once wrapped safely and warmly under the duvet, Shane slid his arms around Nicky. He pulled the blonde to him and held him tightly in his arms.

“That was amazing, Nicky” Shane whispered.  
The room was dark but he could tell his lover was still awake.  
“I don’t know what else to say” Shane added.  
“I loved it, Shay… I loved every second of it” Nicky confessed. “I… I’ve never seen you like that before… I had no idea that you would even like something like that”  
“The spa thing or…?”  
“Both…”  
“And you really… you really liked it?”  
“I think there’s nothing sexier than a little dirty talk”  
“I… I called you a slut”   
“It’s all part of the fantasy, Shay…”

They fell silent, each remembering it in their own way.  
“How come you never told me?” Nicky asked.  
“Told you…?” Shane replied.  
“We’ve been together for more than a year, Shay… You should have told me you wanted… More”  
“More?”  
“I mean… You shouldn’t have been scared to tell me that you wanted to do… that”

“I wasn’t sure how you’d react…” Shane confessed. “I thought you might find it weird”  
“Weird?” Nicky asked.  
“Well, we’ve never talked about…”  
“I know… I guess we were both scared to. I mean, when we started this, it was so new to both of us and we were both nervous and… inexperienced… but now that we’ve found our… our rhythm… Surely we could… try something new on occasion”

“What do you mean?” Shane asked.  
“I… I just… We all have our own secret kinks”  
“You mean it’s normal to want to do… stuff like that?”  
“Of course it is, love”

Shane paused, thinking over Nicky’s words. He’d kept his fantasy to himself for months, afraid that his lover would think him weird or perverted… But Nicky hadn’t even hesitated to give him exactly what he wanted.  
He wondered what type of ‘kinks’ Nicky fantasied about. 

“So… What’s your sexual fantasy, Nicky?” Shane asked.  
When Nicky didn’t reply Shane thought his lover had fallen asleep. He wondered why else the blonde would take so long to respond.

“Nicky?” Shane whispered.  
“I don’t think I…”  
“Please, baby? I told you mine and you made it come true… How else can I ever return the favour?”  
“It’s not a competition… It’s just a harmless fantasy”  
“Nicky… Please?”

They were quiet for a very long time. Then Nicky’s voice echoed throughout the room.  
“My sexual fantasy is to be raped”


	2. Chapter 2

Shane hadn’t said anything in response to Nicky’s confession. He knew it was wrong but the blonde hadn’t said anything further so Shane had cowardly pretended to be asleep. He awoke very early the following morning and slipped out of bed while Nicky was still sleeping.   
The brunette showered downstairs so as to not risk waking the blonde then high tailed it out of the house. He didn’t stop for breakfast, just drove directly to the stables. He went straight into the office, boiled the kettle and sat down with a cup of coffee.

**--**

Liam turned off the road and pulled his car up outside the main entrance to the family stables. He was surprised to find his brother’s car already there. It wasn’t like Shane to come in so early, sure the band was on a six month hiatus and Shane had been coming in nearly every day but not usually at the crack of dawn. Liam climbed out of the car and made his way inside the office.  
He opened the window and turned the radio on. Peering through the office window, he spotted his brother nursing a cup of coffee. The older boy moved into the room and greeted Shane. His brother didn’t even look up. He was too busy staring at something on his phone. Liam moved closer, coming up behind him to peer over his shoulder.  
The image on the screen was of Nicky and Shane. Shane was smiling at the camera while the blonde placed a kiss to his cheek. Liam opened his mouth to say something when Shane tapped the screen and brought up another photo. Nicky was shirtless and playfully squeezing his own nipple. Liam closed his mouth and stared at the image. Nicky must have been hitting the gym; the blonde was looking very fit.

Shane tapped the screen again and started playing a video. Both Nicky and Shane appeared on the screen, the video was jerky, slightly out of focus as they appeared to be filming themselves.  
“You can’t video it, Shay” Nicky was saying. “What if someone finds it?”  
“I don’t care” Shane replied, turning to look at the camera. “We need to document this”  
“But why? We don’t need video proof”  
“Yes, we do… Six months ago today, Nicky and I became a couple”  
“Shay!”  
“And I want to remember this moment forever… Because I love him! Nicky Byrne, I love you!”  
“I love you too, Shay”  
Then Nicky’s lips were on Shane’s. The image blurred then shifted as the camera slipped from Shane’s hand.

Liam bit his lip as Shane selected yet another video.  
This time the image on the screen was just of Nicky. The blonde was laughing as he reached for something off-camera. He pulled Shane to him and grinned at the camera.  
“One year!” Nicky grinned. “It’s now been an entire year since this sexy lad became mine”  
Nicky beamed at the camera then turned and kissed Shane.  
“And he’s going to fuck me so hard tonight!” Nicky laughed.

“I didn’t need to hear that” Mark’s voice came from the screen. The image shifted as Mark turned the camera on himself. “And it’s now been twenty seconds since they’ve scarred me for life”  
“Grow up, Mark” Shane laughed. “We’re in love”  
“Any idiot can see that” Mark replied.  
The video ended.

Liam took a step back. He didn’t want to be caught prying. The phone in his pocket began to ring, causing both himself and Shane to jump in surprise.  
The younger boy dropped his own phone as he turned and looked at his brother in shock. Liam snatched up his own phone, checked the ID then hastened to answer the call.

He quickly turned his back on Shane and gave his complete attention to his phone call. When he returned to the office fifteen minutes later, Shane was gone. Liam was about to go look for him when he glanced out the window and saw his brother leading one of the horses out into the field.  
He made himself a cup of coffee then went back into the office. Shane’s phone was on the desk. He knew it was wrong but he picked it up. There was a screen lock but Liam guessed the password on his second attempt.

There was an entire folder of photos of Shane with Nicky or just Nicky on his own. Liam scrolled through all of them. He wondered if Shane knew how risky it was keeping pictures like this on his phone. If the wrong person found it then both Shane and Nicky could be outed. Liam kept searching until he found the photo of Nicky with his shirt off. He was squeezing his own nipple and Liam enlarged the image, examining the bulge in the blonde’s pants.  
He pressed the forward button and sent the picture to his own phone. Then he flicked to the videos folder. They were all fairly tame… Just Nicky and Shane goofing around or kissing but then he found something else. He stood up, walked over to the window and peered out; making sure Shane was still outside. 

Liam pressed play on the video and stared at the screen as Nicky smirked at the screen. The blonde cocked his head, laughing as he stared at the person shooting the video and not at the camera itself.  
“You’re gonna delete it straight away, right?” Nicky asked.  
“Of course, baby” Shane assured him.  
Nicky grinned and climbed onto the bed. He raised himself onto his knees and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. His eyes never left those of whoever was filming him. The blonde slid his shirt from his shoulders and tossed it aside. He then slid his hands inside his pants, thrusting his hips and moaning as he stared intently off-camera. Then he lowered his pants and his boxers, freeing his hardness and he moaned as he wrapped his long fingers around his weeping cock.  
Liam closed his other hand into a fist and brought it up to his lips. He bit down on his flesh to stop himself from crying out. Nicky bucked his hips, touching himself and moaning unreservedly. 

It was the sexiest thing Liam had ever seen.  
Nicky panted and moaned and whimpered as he stroked himself. His blue eyes were intense, open wide in pure elation.  
“Shane!” Nicky cried out as he brought himself closer to the brink.

Liam couldn’t help feeling a slight tinge of jealousy… Yes, Shane was his brother and he deserved to be happy but he sure was one lucky son of a bitch. Nicky was practically every man’s wet dream come to life and Shane was the lucky lad who’d managed to claim him.  
Of course Liam had never told Shane that he’d secretly been crushing on the blonde since the first time he’d met him. It hadn’t been right, given how young Nicky had been… He’d watched from the side lines as his brother and band mates had grown from teenagers into celebrities and, in Nicky’s case, a sex symbol. On more than one occasion he’d been tempted to ask Shane if Nicky was gay but the timing had never been right…   
And then, a few months ago, Liam had come into the office one weekend to catch up on some paperwork and had found Shane dry-humping Nicky on top of the desk.   
His desk! The desk he sat at every day for work… Shane had been two minutes away from fucking Nicky on the mahogany desk.

Liam paused the video in an attempt to ease his own arousal. It didn’t help that Nicky was licking his lips and Liam couldn’t tear his eyes away from his tongue. He stopped the video then forwarded it to his own phone. He quickly placed the phone back where Shane had left it then he checked his phone to make sure he’d received both files.

The office phone began to ring so he returned to the desk and picked it up. Trying not to think of what he’d seen on Shane’s phone, he sat down at the desk and tried to focus on work.

*

Shane led his horse back into the stable and into its stall. He closed the gate then picked up a brush and aimlessly started untangling the horse’s mane. The brunette took his time, brushing and brushing the hair much longer than was necessary. He felt like he was on auto-pilot, not really aware of his surroundings.   
He’d even managed to forget about his encounter with his brother that morning. Under other circumstances he would have been embarrassed but today he had more pressing things on his mind.

Liam came up behind his younger brother, watching as he brushed the horse’s mane until he was practically brushing the hair right off the horse’s body. He was becoming concerned. Sure, Shane had been known to space out on occasion but Liam hadn’t seen him like this in a long time. He opened the gate to the stall and approached his brother. When Shane didn’t acknowledge him, Liam moved closer. He reached out and took the brush from Shane’s hand. The younger man didn’t even notice and continued his brushing. 

“Shane?” Liam began. “Shane?”  
He feared it was going to be awkward… That he would have to explain why he’d been spying on his brother earlier.  
“Shane?” he tried again.   
“Huh…” Shane idly replied.  
He blinked several times, finally snapping out of his stupor, and turned to look at his older brother.  
“Hey, are you okay?” Liam asked him.  
“What? Huh?”  
“Earth to Shane… Hello?”  
“Oh, Liam… Hi”  
“That’s it? Hi?”  
“What else am I supposed to say?”

His older brother sighed.  
“Is everything okay?” he asked.  
“Uh… Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” Shane replied.  
He narrowed his eyes, confused. Had Shane forgotten the incident?

“Shane, something is definitely wrong with you” Liam stated. “I can tell. You’ve been in a funk all morning… First you were staring at old photos on your phone and then you were distracted while you were riding. You nearly fell off your horse three times”  
“I…” Shane shrugged.   
“Come on”

Liam draped his arm around Shane’s shoulder and led his brother out of the stall. The two of them made their way back into the office and Liam instructed Shane to sit down. His brother sat opposite the desk while Liam walked over to the small refrigerator and retrieved a bottle of water. He poured two glasses and handed one to Shane.

“Come on, Shane” Liam coaxed. “You know you can talk to me about anything”  
“I know” Shane replied. He wouldn’t meet his brother’s eye. “But… Maybe not this time”  
“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Shane looked up and met Liam's gaze then he shrugged, sheepishly.   
It was true, there was very little about his relationship with Nicky that Liam hadn't been privy to. 

It had started out innocently enough... Shane had wanted someone to talk to and of all his brothers & sisters, Liam was the one he'd failed to connect with in recent years... Things were different between them now but at the time, Shane had felt a divide between them. He'd assumed that telling his brother that he was gay was something that would bring them together. It had worked too.   
Not at first, Shane would never forget the way his brother had looked at him when he'd blurted out 'I'm attracted to guys & spend most nights with my tongue down Nicky's throat'  
The expression on Liam's face was one he'd never seen before and he immediately feared he'd made a mistake in coming out to him... But his older brother had recovered quickly.  
It was awkward for a few days but it wasn't long before Shane felt his confidence in both his relationships with Nicky and Liam growing. He was more certain than ever that Nicky was the one for him but the only person he could say those words to, was Liam.

In no time at all, his brother had become his confidant and every time something good or bad happened with Nicky, Shane would be on the phone to Liam about it... If it was something good, he loved being able to share his happiness with someone else and if it was bad, he liked having an objective opinion to talk his problem over and sort it out.

"God, Liam" Shane murmured. "If Nicky only knew half the things I'd told you..."  
He was certain the blonde would kill him or want to die himself from humiliation.  
Shane had held nothing back from his brother, from telling him of his first failed attempt at giving Nicky a blowjob, their first awkward sexual encounter… 

“So talk to me” Liam pressed.  
Shane picked up the glass and took a small mouthful. A part of him wished it was alcohol he was drinking. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath when he opened them Liam was still staring at him.

“I don’t know if I can” Shane admitted. “Not this time”  
“Oh come on, Shane” Liam continued to prod. “Surely it can’t be any worse than that time you told me about licking Nicky’s ass…?”

Shane averted his eyes and stared down at his hands. He’d been very, drunk that night. Both he and Liam were the only two in the office, clearing up after the stable had helped to host a local charity event. The singer had been nervous about going home after an awkward experience in the bedroom the previous night.  
Liam had been tipsy too and had urged Shane to fess up. The brunette had then confessed how Nicky had asked Shane to fuck him in the ass with his tongue. He’d been nervous and hesitant but had wanted to please his lover. And please him he had, Shane had worked Nicky to a frenzy, he’d even gotten Nicky to come without touching his cock… But Shane hadn’t enjoyed it much himself, had found the whole thing off-putting and needed Liam’s advice on how to tell Nicky that he didn’t want to do it again.

Shane looked up at his brother. Nicky had asked him to lick his ass… Perhaps he should have seen that as an indication that the older boy liked kinky things.

“Did you and Nicky get into a fight?” Liam asked. “Did you…”  
“Did we what?” Shane replied.  
“I… Did you guys break up?”  
“What? No! Nothing like that”

His brother sighed. He glanced down at his phone, remembering the video he’d sent himself. He reached out, picked up the phone and slipped it into his pocket.

“Then what?” he asked. “Just fucking spit it out, Shane!”  
“It all started last night…” Shane began. “Nicky and I were fooling around in the spa and… We started talking about… oh god I can’t talk to you about this!”  
“Of course you can” Liam assured him.

Shane closed his eyes.  
“We talked about kinks and sexual fantasies” he blurted out. He opened his eyes and noticed his brother was smiling. He was fucking smiling!  
“Are you laughing at me?” Shane asked.  
“What? No” Liam assured him. “Fantasises are nothing to be embarrassed about… It’s one of the best things about being in a relationship… Trusting someone enough to be open and honest about the things you like”  
“Do you… Do you have a fantasy?” Shane’s eyes widened as he realized what he’d asked his brother. “No, please don’t answer that!”

Liam averted his eyes then smiled shyly at Shane.  
“Everyone fantasizes about something Shane” Liam promised him.  
“Well… I… I told Nicky what I wanted to do and he… He let me” Shane felt himself blushing. “I didn’t mean to tell him but it slipped out and he leapt at the chance to make my wish come true”  
“He sounds like a pretty cool boyfriend”  
“Oh he is, Liam… I… I couldn’t ask for better but afterwards I asked him what his dream was and…”  
Shane nervously broke off. He twisted his hands, unable to keep still.

“And what?” Liam asked. He was so curious what kinky things Nicky was into. “He didn’t want to tell you?”  
“No… He did tell me” Shane looked away. “And it’s wrong… So wrong”  
“What do you mean ‘wrong’? How can his… desires be ‘wrong’?”  
“Liam!” there was a hint of desperation in Shane’s voice. “He told me his fantasy is to be raped”  
“Raped?”  
“Yes! I don’t know what to do Liam” Shane confessed. “I couldn’t even think of what to say to him”  
“So what did you say?” Liam asked.  
“Nothing… I just laid there while Nicky shared something very, very personal with me”  
“So you did nothing? At all?”  
“Well what was I supposed to do? I mean… What *can* you say to that?”

Liam reached out and placed his hand on Shane’s arm.  
“Shane, think about how hard this must have been for Nicky” he began. “He’s probably never told anyone this secret”  
“And for a good reason… I mean, who would fantasize about something like *that*?”  
Liam gently petted his brother’s arm.  
“What am I supposed to do now? He gave me everything I wanted and let me do whatever I wanted to him… Because he trusts me with all his heart… He told me that, those very words… He let me live out one of my fantasy’s… How am I supposed to tell him that I can’t return the favour?”  
“Shane-”  
“Please tell me you agree with me… His fantasy is sick! I can’t do it, Liam… I can’t willingly rape the man I love”

His brother sighed then slowly leaned back in his chair. He stared at Shane, thinking it over for a moment.  
“Well, I don’t agree with either of you” Liam began. “And I’m not taking sides either”  
“You’re my brother, you have to take my side” Shane insisted.  
“No, I don’t” Liam argued. “But Shane… Nicky loves you… And he trusts you… He trusted you enough to tell you his deepest, darkest secret… Something he’s probably never told another person… Now a part of me agrees with you, rape is wrong… I don’t condone rape, you’d be hard pressed to find many people who do but ‘rape fantasy’s’ are actually pretty common”

Shane looked at Liam with a sceptical expression on his face.  
“Really?” he asked. “No… No way!”  
“I’m serious, Shane… Didn’t you talk to Nicky about it? Ask why he was so enamoured with the idea of being raped?”  
“T… Talk to him about it?”  
“You didn’t talk to him? Not even this morning?”

Shane averted his eyes and stared down at his hands.  
“After Nicky… said what he said… I just lie there in the dark thinking about it” he confessed. “I think he thinks I fell asleep… Then I got up really early this morning and came here while Nicky was still sleeping so I… I haven’t actually talked to him at all today”  
“Shane! That’s awful! Nicky trusted you. He took a chance and opened up to you and you just ignored it!” Liam sighed. “Look, I’m just saying that Nicky took a chance and maybe you should too… Think it over; maybe do some research on it…. Even talk to Nicky about it… He trusted you and I think you should trust him in return”

“I can’t believe you’re being so neutral about this” Shane said.  
“And I can’t believe you’re not” Liam replied. “I really thought you loved Nicky”  
“I do”  
“Then prove it… The least you can do is open your mind and get the facts straight before you throw away what you’ve been referring to as ‘the best thing that’s ever happened to you” 

“You think Nicky will dump me if I don’t play out his sick, twisted fantasy?”  
“I think he might leave you if you treat all his secret longings as ‘sick’… When you love someone, you love them completely… the whole package, warts and all”  
“This coming from someone who dumped a girl because you found out she had an extra toe”  
“I wasn’t in love with her… Not like you and Nicky supposedly are”  
“There is nothing ‘supposed’ about my love for him”  
“Then stop being a narrow-minded dick and do something about it”

*

Several days passed and Nicky never once brought up the subject of his secret fantasy. He told himself that he had waited too long and that Shane must have fallen asleep before Nicky had revealed his secret.   
Life carried on as it normally would have but after four days, Nicky began to get worried. It wasn’t like them to go this long without having sex. Their night in the spa had been mind-blowing and Nicky was eager to see what other fantasy’s Shane was keeping hidden away.  
But he never asked his lover to share them with him. He feared that bringing it up again would open him up to revealing his own fantasy and he still didn’t think Shane was ready to hear that.

By the fifth night, Nicky was becoming very frustrated both mentally and sexually. He cleaned the table then proceeded to wash the dishes while Shane disappeared into his study and closed the door. He gave strict instructions not to be disturbed.  
The blonde stared at the door. Shane had been doing this every night for the past few days and Nicky was curious as to what he was up to. It wasn’t like the brunette to be so secretive.

Shane turned his computer on and brought up his internet browser. He’d taken Liam’s advice and started his own research project. He was going to broach the subject with Nicky once he’d educated himself first.  
He checked a few posts on a couple of message boards before opening a bookmarked page with a few videos. Yes, he’d managed to find a couple of video clips of couples acting out rape-fantasies.

The brunette hated to admit it but as he watched one of the videos, he found himself becoming very aroused. He was becoming fascinated with the idea of tying Nicky up, having the blonde submit completely to him and fucking him as hard as he could.  
Maybe he had over reacted… Perhaps it wasn’t the physical act of rape that Nicky found a turn-on. One website stated that most sexual fantasies were about ‘being overpowered or forced to surrender’.   
Shane swallowed nervously. The very thought of overpowering Nicky, forcing him to submit, of being in control of the blonde’s body was making him hard.

Shane opened a document on his desktop and started taking notes.  
He picked up his phone and pressed speed dial. On the third ring, his brother answered.

“Hey Shane, what’s up?”  
“Liam” Shane said as he cupped the phone. “I’ve taken your advice and I think you might have been right”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yeah… Maybe this whole” he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Rape-fantasy isn’t as bad as I first thought”  
“What makes you say that?”  
“I’ve been googling it… and… I think I might be ready to try it”  
“To… To try it? On Nicky?”  
“Well, yeah… Who else?” Shane laughed at his own joke. “I’ve read a whole bunch of stuff and… and watched a few videos and… yeah… I think Nicky will be proud of me”  
“Have you talked to him about it?”  
“No… Not yet… I think he thinks I don’t know about the whole thing… He believes I was asleep when he finally said it”

“So now you’re just going to spring it on him?”  
“No, silly… I’ll talk to him about it… Make sure it’s still something he wants to do”  
“Maybe you should come over here and we can talk about it first? I mean, you’re probably going to be a bit embarrassed talking about this with Nicky, maybe you should practice first? You know, so you don’t say the wrong thing?”  
“I… I guess… How about I stop by after dinner tomorrow night?”  
“Sounds great… Just text me when you’re leaving your place so I’ll know when to expect you”  
“Perfect… I’ll see you tomorrow then”  
“Night Shane”  
“Goodnight, Liam… Oh, hey… and thanks”  
“Any time”

Shane hung up the phone, turned off the computer and left the study. The house was dark. He groped about in the dark and made his way up the stairs. It was dark up there too. The brunette made his way into the bedroom.

“Nix?” he whispered. “You still awake?”  
The blonde didn’t reply so Shane assumed he was already asleep. It hurt him a little that Nicky had gone to bed without giving him a goodnight kiss. He hoped after he told Nicky the truth that everything would go back to normal between them… or maybe be even better than before.

*

When Shane awoke the following morning, he was surprised to find himself alone in their bed. He suddenly realized how Nicky must have felt waking up alone the morning after their romp in the spa. The brunette was overcome with a feeling of guilt. He took a deep breath and told himself it would be okay… That he was going to talk to Nicky tonight, after he could talk it through with Liam.   
He remembered their conversation the other day. Shane had meant what he’d said… That if Nicky ever found out half the things Shane told his brother. 

The brunette climbed out of bed, showered and dressed for the day then made his way downstairs to get breakfast. Nicky was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. Shane walked over to him and placed his hand upon his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Morning beautiful” Shane whispered before he leaned down and kissed Nicky.  
The blonde didn’t hesitate to return the gesture.  
“Hey” Nicky replied once they’d parted. “Sorry, did I wake you?”  
“Nah, didn’t hear you get up”  
“My mam rang so I came down here to talk”  
“How is she? Everything okay at home?”  
“Everyone’s fine… She was calling about the storm last night. They lost electricity for hours”  
“Any storm damage?”  
“A few trees came down but that’s about it”

Shane nodded his head then he pulled Nicky’s chair out from the table. The blonde looked up at him questioningly. Shane simply smiled down at his lover before he threw his leg over Nicky, straddling his thighs and settling himself in the older boy’s lap.

“What are you doing?” Nicky asked with a slight twinkle in his eye.  
“I miss you” Shane whispered. “I kinda feel like… We haven’t done this in a while”  
“It’s only been a few days”  
“Feels like weeks”  
“You wore me out the other night, baby”  
“I wasn’t too rough, was I?”  
“Never” Nicky leaned forward and nipped at Shane’s earlobe. “You can be as rough with me as you want”  
“Really?”  
“Oh yeah” Nicky whispered in the younger boy’s ear. “I’m sure I’d like it rough”

Shane licked his lips and closed his eyes as Nicky’s teeth grazed his neck. His mind filled with images of Nicky tied up and begging for Shane to fuck him. Hard. He groaned as Nicky groped him through his jeans.

“Nix” Shane panted. “I… I have to go…”  
“You can be late, can’t you?” Nicky asked. “I wanna… Wanna suck you”

The brunette knew he’d just missed an opportunity to talk to Nicky about his rape-fantasy… Besides, it probably wasn’t the right thing to discuss over breakfast. Shane bucked his hips as Nicky lowered his zip.  
He lifted himself and settled on the table in front of his lover. Nicky stared up at him from beneath his lashes and licked his lips. He freed Shane’s cock from the confines of his underwear then immediately took the growing hardness into his mouth.

“Nicky!” Shane cried out. He hadn’t expected Nicky to take him so quickly. His left hand gripped the edge of the table while his right hand slid behind Nicky’s neck and twisted itself in his blonde locks.  
Shane lost all sense of self and the passing of time as he surrendered himself to the mercy of Nicky’s mouth. 

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and it just turned him on even more. Nicky reached into Shane’s pocket and retrieved the phone without losing any momentum. He handed the phone to his lover, as though telling him to answer it.  
The younger boy didn’t even check the caller ID. He pressed a button and raised it to his ear.

“Hello?” even he could hear the shortness of breath.  
“Shane?” Liam asked. “Are you okay? You sound… like you’re about to pass out”  
“I… I’m fine, Liam”  
“Well, I just wanted to tell you I won’t be in the office today”  
“You… You won’t?”  
“Something came up but I’ll still see you tonight, right?”

“Oh Fuck! Nicky!” Shane screamed as the blonde scrapped his teeth along the length of Shane’s erection. He stared down at his lover whom simply smirked up at him.

“Shane?” Liam asked.  
“S… Sorry, Liam” Shane panted. “I… I… Will see you later, yeah”  
“Okay… Bye Sh-”

Shane ended the call and tossed the phone aside. He heard it hit the ground but he didn’t care. He grabbed a fistful of Nicky’s blonde hair and began to thrust his hips.  
“You bastard” Shane groaned. “You did that on purpose”  
“Uh huh” Nicky’s reply was muffled by Shane’s cock in his mouth.  
“Not gonna last…”  
The words had barely left Shane’s lips when he lost control. Nicky groaned as his lover’s warm, salty seed filled his mouth. He hungrily swallowed every last drop before pulling away. Then he stood up, covering the space between them and captured Shane’s lips in a deep kiss. The brunette was still panting for breath but he wrapped his arms around Nicky, pulled him close and plunged his tongue deep inside his lover’s mouth.

“I love you so much, Nicky” Shane insisted after they separated.  
“I know” Nicky smiled. “I love you too baby”  
“You’re amazing, you know that right?”  
“Almost as amazing as you”

“But next time can you not hand me my phone?” Shane asked. His breathing was beginning to return to normal.  
“You didn’t have to answer it” Nicky replied.  
“Then why did you give it to me?”  
“To see if you would”  
“Bastard”  
“I’m sure you’ll find an adequate way to punish me” Nicky stated. Shane swallowed hard. 

“You want me to spank you?” Shane’s voice had taken a very husky tone.  
“Would you?” Nicky asked. That same twinkle was back in his eyes.  
Shane wrapped his arms around the blonde and pulled their bodies together.   
“If you asked me to” Shane whispered. “I would do anything to you, Nicky”  
The blonde shuddered excitedly before Shane released him. He took a step back as the younger boy slid off the table and struggled to tuck himself back into his pants.

“I have to go” Shane said to him. “But I’ll be home in time for dinner”  
“I… I’ll see you tonight” Nicky replied.  
Shane kissed Nicky goodbye then left the room.   
The blonde watched him go, replaying their conversation in his head. Perhaps Shane *had* heard his confession the other night and they’d just taken their first steps towards having Nicky’s fantasy come true.   
The very thought of Shane spanking him traveled down his body to his half-hard cock. He touched himself, imagining what it would be like to be repeatedly spanked by his lover. He was completely hard within seconds. Not wanting to wait until Shane came home to take care of it, Nicky hurried upstairs to the shower to take care of himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Neither one of them brought up their earlier conversation once Shane returned home. The brunette wanted to but he still wanted to talk to his brother first. The couple ate supper together, sitting at the table where Nicky had sucked him off that very morning. Occasionally their eyes would meet and one of them would smirk.  
They then began to tease each other with their food… Both making an erotic display of eating pasta. Before the meal was over, Shane was contemplating calling his brother and cancelling their conversation.  
But he didn’t. He’d made a commitment and was going to stick to it. The brunette went into his study for one final check of his computer. Then he looked at the clock and knew he needed to get going.

Shane came hurrying out of his study and found Nicky in the kitchen.  
“Baby, I have to go out for a while” he said to him. “I have to stop by Liam’s… He never came in to work today”   
“Oh, okay… Did you want me to come with you?” Nicky asked.  
“NO!” Shane practically shouted. “I mean, no… you need to, I mean, you should stay here”  
“Sure” he smiled, wondering why Shane was acting so strange. “What’s with the bag?”

Shane looked down at the bag in his hand. He’d printed some of his research off.  
“Paperwork” he replied. “I’ll see you later”  
Shane ran through the house to the front door then stopped as he remembered something.  
“Nicky?” he shouted.  
“Yeah?” Nicky called back.  
“I left my computer on. Can you shut it down for me?”  
“Sure, baby… bye Shane”  
“Don’t forget to lock the door behind me!”

Nicky heard the front door slam shut and he made his way through the house. He flicked the lock then checked to make sure the door was secure. The blonde sighed; Shane was always so paranoid. He made his way back down the hall and went into Shane’s study.  
The only light in the room was coming from the desk lamp. He walked over and sat down in the chair. The screensaver had turned on so he tapped the mouse and the screen came to life.

The webpage looked familiar. It was a forum called This Temptation. Nicky scrolled down the page and saw many threads of people asking for advice on how to act out a rape fantasy. 

Nicky gasped and covered his mouth with his hand. He scrolled up and down the page, his eyes wide. Shane *had* heard him. This whole section was for people who were put off by the idea but were eager to please their partners. Nicky leaned back in the seat and stared at the screen.  
The reason Shane had been acting so distant was because Nicky’s fantasy had repulsed him… Yet here he was, making an effort to educate himself in the hopes of being able to give Nicky what he craved.  
He noticed a document open on the desktop and flicked over to it. At the top was the words ‘tips for a successful fantasy’ and below were random plot points. Ensure its consensual was written in bold letters. Underneath, in a different font, Shane had written ‘Nicky asked me… does that automatically make it consensual?’  
Another note that was written in bold stated ‘breaking character breaks the fantasy’ 

Nicky nervously chewed his bottom lip. Shane was going to do it! He felt his heart beginning to race with excitement. His eyes darted around the room. He was certain Shane was up to something right now… Why else would he send him in here to see the computer screen?  
The blonde shut the computer down, turned off the light and left the room. He ignored the dirty dishes in the kitchen and hurried up the stairs. Nicky ripped off his clothes and jumped into the shower. He gave his entire body a quick once-over then hurried to dry himself.

Then, covered by nothing more than a towel, the blonde went into the bedroom. He was standing at the foot of the bed, contemplating what he should be wearing when Shane came in to have his way with him.

He sensed movement behind him and dropped the towel in surprise. Without thinking he leaned forward, bending over to collect the towel and presenting his ass to Shane. The tiny hairs on the back of his neck stood up. The blonde bit down on his lip then slowly stood up, not wanting Shane to know that he knew he was there, watching him.

Nicky was about to turn around when the lights in the room went off, plunging him into darkness. His entire body began to tremble with excitement. He heard footsteps approaching and slowly stood up. A pair of arms slid around his waist, one hand ghosting over his nipple while the other cupped his cock.  
‘Oh God’ Nicky held back a moan when he realized Shane was wearing leather gloves.

“Its okay, Nicky” Shane growled in his ear before placing a kiss to his neck. “I promise I won’t hurt you… Much”

These words had an immediate effect on Nicky and his cock instantly hardened. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, holding back a low moan.  
“What are you going to do to me?” Nicky asked. He tried to make himself sound scared but even he could hear the arousal in his voice.  
“Everything”

Shane’s low, husky voice made Nicky’s body tingle. He wondered who Shane was trying to imitate then realized it didn’t matter. Shane was putting his all into giving Nicky his ultimate fantasy, the least he could do was play along. He’d heard that same huskiness in his lover’s voice that morning as he’d sucked him off so he knew Shane was enjoying this as much as he was… And they’d barely gotten started! 

He felt Shane’s gloved fingers grasp his cock. It took all of Nicky’s willpower to stop himself from thrusting into Shane’s grasp, he was meant to be a helpless victim after all.

“Can we turn the light on?” Nicky whispered.  
“Would a real rapist want you to turn the light on?” Shane murmured as his breath tickled Nicky’s ear. “I mean… I’ve broken into your house to ‘rob’ you and you want the light on?”  
“Oh… Please don’t rob me” Nicky attempted to put on a voice too. “I have nothing of value”  
“Your virtue?” Shane squeezed Nicky’s cock and the blonde moaned.  
“How… how did you know I was a virgin?”  
When Shane didn’t reply Nicky wondered if he had said the wrong thing.

“Are you doing okay, Shane?” Nicky asked.  
“Just fine, Nix” Shane replied. “Now I’m gonna tie you up… And have my way with you” he growled in the blonde’s ear.  
Nicky smiled as he felt Shane pull away then he heard the brunette rummaging inside a bag. 

Something soft and flowy, a scarf perhaps, brushed his skin as Shane used it to cover Nicky’s eyes. The blonde closed his eyes beneath the scarf and let his lover take the lead. He allowed himself to be pushed, face-down, onto the bed but with his legs still firmly on the ground. Had the lights been on, he would have felt embarrassed at being in such a vulnerable position.  
Shane leaned over him, running his gloved hands down both of Nicky’s arms and finding his wrists. Something soft was wrapped around both his wrists, tying them together.  
It was just as he’d imagined! Nicky’s cock was throbbing with excitement. He was blindfolded and tied up, completely at his lover’s mercy.

He felt Shane’s gloved hand stroking his lower back before dipping between his ass cheeks. Nicky couldn’t stop himself moaning. Then Shane’s gloved right hand slapped his naked ass cheek. Just once. The blonde yelped. He hadn’t been expecting that!  
His left hand then slapped his left ass cheek and Nicky yelped again.  
It was even better than he’d imagined!

“Now I’m going to turn the light on” Shane told him. “So I can see you”

Nicky swallowed hard and rubbed his hard cock against the mattress. He felt Shane step away from him, heard the flick of the light switch but because of the blindfold Nicky could still only see darkness. 

The blonde squeezed his eyes closed behind the blindfold. He could feel Shane’s eyes on his body and he trembled with excitement. He wondered why his lover wasn’t touching him and then he heard it… The shutter of a camera. Shane was taking photos of him!  
Nicky didn’t know if he should feel aroused or mortified. He was tied up, blindfolded and his ass was clearly on display. Click. Shane took another photo.  
The blonde was used to Shane taking photos of him, even in the bedroom. Nicky always made him swear to delete them after Nicky could look at them. The older boy secretly liked looking at photos of himself… He knew this time would be no different. He was secretly excited at the prospect of seeing himself tied up and aroused.

“Turn over” Shane instructed him.

It was difficult since his hands were tied but Nicky managed to pull himself onto the bed and roll onto his back. He was certain his cock was standing at attention, long and hard. The tip already wet with excitement. He felt Shane’s gloved hand on his cock. Click. Nicky licked his lips as Shane took another photo. He bucked his hips and cried out when he felt Shane’s tongue running along the length of his hardness.

“Oh fuck!” Nicky groaned. Shane’s hands were on his thighs.  
“Bend your knees” Shane instructed.

Nicky didn’t even hesitate. He spread his legs and bent his knees, trying to keep his excitement under control. Shane’s hands roamed his body, lifting him slightly before squeezing his pert ass. He felt the gloved fingers parting his cheeks and then Shane’s tongue was prodding its way inside Nicky’s crack. The blonde cried out as Shane’s skilled tongue teased him. It had been some time since Shane had explored Nicky’s ass with his mouth. The older boy was suddenly happy he’d showered mere minutes ago. Shane was working him into a frenzy, lapping at his puckering hole, his warm moist tongue dipping in and out of Nicky’s sweet spot. Occasionally he’d alternate one of his gloved fingers for his tongue which drove the blonde wild.

As Shane’s finger prodded Nicky’s hole, his tongue teased his balls and Nicky found himself holding back tears of pleasure. His cock was still rock hard and he could feel his precum oozing from the tip. He wanted, so badly, to touch himself as Shane’s hands and tongue were too busy elsewhere. He felt Shane’s tongue and his fingers breach him at the same time and Nicky heard himself mewing with pleasure.  
Under any other circumstances he’d be mortified at the sounds he was making.

“Gonna fuck you so hard” Shane’s breath teased the tiny hairs on Nicky’s ass cheeks.  
“Please? No” Nicky barely remembered he was meant to be opposed to this.

“Turn over” Shane instructed him. Again, Nicky didn’t even hesitate.  
Shane quickly slapped Nicky’s ass once more, causing the blonde to groan.  
“You like that, don’t you?” Shane asked. “Do I even need to prepare you?”   
“Gah” Nicky couldn’t speak.  
“I think your little ‘virgin’ ass can take me whole”

Nicky spread his legs and bucked his hips, presenting his ass to his lover.   
Sure, it wasn’t what would normally happen in a real ‘home-invasion-turned-rape’ situation but Nicky was so turned on and so ready for Shane’s cock that he didn’t care. Shane slapped his ass once more then Nicky felt teeth nipping at his cheek. God that was so hot… Shane was marking him.

“God, Shane” Nicky moaned. “Fuck me!”  
Shane didn’t bother to reprimand Nicky for breaking the fantasy. He parted the blonde’s cheeks and Nicky felt some of Shane’s spit in his crack. He closed his eyes and gripped a fistful of the duvet in preparation. Nicky felt Shane’s movements as he dropped his pants, positioned himself just right and slammed his cock deep inside Nicky’s waiting ass.  
The blonde screamed at the pain and clenched at the duvet. Nicky was so tight.  
But something was wrong. For a moment he wondered if Shane was using some kind of prop or toy… He was much bigger than Nicky was used to.  
His lover began to thrust, pounding his cock in and out of Nicky’s ass. By now, the blonde had stopped moving and was trying to remove his blindfold.

“No” he cried out. “No… Stop!”  
“Yeah, that’s it… Take it, take all of me”   
“Who are you? You… you’re not Shane!”  
“Shut up and take it, bitch”

**--**

“Nicky? I’m home…” Shane called from the front hall. “Hey… Thought I told you to lock the front door?”  
He pushed the door closed and locked it himself. “Nicky?”  
Shane found it strange that his lover hadn’t answered him. “I must have gotten my wires crossed… I was meant to meet Liam but he wasn’t home so I decided not to hang around”

The singer made his way into the kitchen. Nicky had only half cleaned up from supper and the rest of the lights were off. He frowned in confusion.

“Nix? Baby? Are you upstairs?” Shane turned and made his way up the staircase, heading towards his bedroom. 

“Please… No… Let me go!” Nicky’s pained cries echoed in his ears and Shane ran towards the bedroom. He opened the door and the sight before him made him sick to the stomach. His lover was tied up and blindfolded, struggling and begging for it to stop. The man responsible for Nicky’s anguish was Liam!   
Shane stood frozen to the spot, not really believing what he was seeing.

“Please? Stop!” Shane heard his lover’s pleas and sprang to action.  
“Nicky!” Shane cried.  
“Shane! Help me” Nicky sobbed.

Liam turned and looked at his brother. Neither one of them spoke. Liam narrowed his eyes at Shane but immediately released Nicky. The blonde singer was trembling on the bed. Shane’s eyes shifted from Nicky to Liam and back again as his brother pulled up his pants.

“You bastard!” Shane screamed. He ran forward as Liam came towards him. His brother was both taller and stronger than him. With one single punch he knocked Shane to the ground before he hurried from the room and disappeared into the hall.  
The brunette was on the floor, holding the side of his face and staring at the open doorway. He didn’t know what to do… Should he chase after him?

“Shay?” Nicky sobbed.  
His decision made, Shane climbed to his feet and hurried to the bed. He quickly removed the blindfold then as he was untying Nicky’s hands, his lover turned to him and looked at him through tear filled eyes.  
“It thought it was you” Nicky confessed. “I thought he was you”

Shane wrapped his arms around his crying lover and held him protectively in his arms. He felt physically sick. Not only had Nicky been attacked in their home but the perpetrator was Shane’s own brother.

“I thought it was you” Nicky kept whispering again and again.  
“I’m sorry, Nicky” Shane whispered. “I’m so sorry”

*

It took a long time for Shane to get anything more from Nicky. The blonde had completely shut down. The younger boy had scooped his lover into his arms and carried him into the bathroom. He’d placed Nicky in the shower and slowly, gently washed his lover’s body. The blonde was in a state of shock the entire time while Shane couldn’t seem to shake the image of seeing his own brother raping his lover.

They’d retired to the guest bedroom and climbed into bed together. Shane wanted to hold Nicky in his arms but the blonde appeared to be keeping a bit of distance between them. They lay in the double bed, staring at each other, Shane’s hand reaching out for his lover. Nicky’s hand was on the pillow beside Shane’s, not quite touching him.

“We can’t tell the police” Nicky insisted. “I… I never saw his face”  
“Nix” Shane didn’t know what else to say.  
“I thought it was you… I saw the computer and he called me by my name… I thought it still sounded like you…that you were putting on a voice… I went along with it”

Shane closed his eyes in defeat. He and his brother did sound a lot alike, especially on the phone.

“I… I didn’t think you’d heard me” Nicky confessed. “The other night, I mean… When I told you… When you didn’t say anything, I thought you’d fallen asleep and hadn’t heard me… Especially when you didn’t bring it up the next day…”  
“Oh Nicky, I am so, so sorry”  
“I was right though… You did hear me and you were disgusted with the idea, weren’t you?”  
“Yes” Shane admitted. “I’m sorry, Nicky but you… Your… What you said surprised me and I didn’t know how to react… how to handle it… I’d never ever heard of anyone wanting… dreaming of being raped”   
“What the fuck was I thinking?” Nicky murmured. He looked up and met his lover’s eyes. “I locked the front door, I’m sure I did! Then I went to your computer, to turn it off like you asked and I… I saw what you’d been looking at and I… I thought you were playing with me… So I went along with it… It wasn’t until you… He… the second he was inside me, I knew it wasn’t you…”

Shane didn’t know what to say or do. Nicky was a wreck and he didn’t know how to help him. Surely he could never tell him the truth… Nicky could never find out that Liam had done this to him. But would not knowing be worse? Shane didn’t want Nicky to spend the rest of his life convinced that whoever had done this was going to come back.

“Did you see…?” Nicky asked. “When you walked in…”  
“All I saw was him hurting you” Shane said. He averted his eyes and stared at his and Nicky’s hands which were almost touching. “It happened so fast, one second he was there and the next he was gone… I could have gone after him… Should have gone after him but he knocked me down and then I heard you calling for me and I had to go to you”

“I knew I never should have… it was just meant to be a harmless fantasy”  
“I’m so, so sorry baby”  
“I guess you were right all along”  
“What?”  
“Shay… I’m not stupid, you were disgusted when I told you and clearly you had every right to be… I mean, what was I thinking? Why would anyone fantasise about rape?”  
“Nicky-”  
“I mean… I guess I just liked the idea of the thrill and the danger… But with someone I trust completely and I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust you”  
“I love you, Nicky”  
“Even if I did let some freak roam around our house and assault me?”

“Nicky, none of this is your fault” Shane insisted. He sat up and stared down at his blonde lover. He needed Nicky to believe him… That it really wasn’t Nicky’s fault.

The truth was it was his. If Shane had never told Liam about Nicky’s fantasy then Liam never would have done this… Shane looked away, unable to stare into Nicky’s haunted eyes. Why on earth would Liam do something like this?

“I feel so sick… and violated… and stupid” Nicky confessed  
“I shouldn’t have let you see what was on my computer” Shane replied.  
“The timing of it is just so bizarre…”  
“I’m sorry I left you alone in the house… I should have been here to protect you”  
“But you saved me… You were here when I needed you to be”

Nicky reached up and took Shane’s hand in his. He tugged at his lover’s hand, pulling him down towards him. Then Nicky slid closer to Shane and snuggled into the younger boy’s side.  
“Like I said, I feel so stupid” Nicky said. “I was… violated because of my own stupidity”  
“You’re not stupid, Nicky… This is just something that happened…”  
“But I… I don’t understand how…”  
“How?”  
“How he got inside… How he knew what I wanted done to me and… How he knew my name”

Shane swallowed nervously.  
“It’s a small town Nix” he tried to reason. “And we’re kinda celebrities”  
“You think a fan broke in and did this?”  
“I… I don’t know”  
“I guess all we can do is hope that because his attempt failed, you scared him off”

Shane didn’t know how to respond to that. He felt sick to the stomach. He hated lying to his lover and he hated not knowing what had possessed Liam to do something so horrible. It was taking all his self-control not to jump into his car and race straight to his brother’s house and confront him… But Nicky was shaking with fear and Shane knew he needed to be here, to hold him and comfort him.

“I thought it was you” Nicky whispered.  
“I know” Shane whispered back.  
“I… I was enjoying it… Was practically begging him for it”  
“Oh baby” Shane placed a kiss to his lover’s forehead.

“He touched me in places only you’ve ever touched me” Nicky continued. “He tied me up and I let him… He slapped my ass and I… I moaned because it felt good… And he… Oh God, Shane” the blonde broke off into sobs and Shane held him tightly in his arms.  
“His tongue, Shay” Nicky cried. “I can still feel his tongue inside me”

Shane closed his eyes to keep himself from crying. He wanted to run into the bathroom and throw up. His brother’s tongue had been inside Nicky’s mouth. His brother’s cock had violated his lover’s ass.  
And now Nicky was trembling in his arms, terrified of the memory of what a complete stranger had done to him. 

Could he ever tell Nicky the truth? That the man responsible was not a stranger but someone he knew quite well… Someone he had dinner with at least once a week. Someone who often visited their home… Who even had their own key…? Someone he’d known for years… Someone he felt safe with and trusted…

Shane told himself not to cry… But it was so very hard not to.  
He hated knowing that he was responsible for Nicky’s anguish, his pain and his fear…   
Shane had done this by revealing Nicky’s secret longing to Liam. Of course he’d never dreamed his brother would do something like this but if Shane hadn’t said anything to him then surely the idea never would have crossed his mind?

“I’m sorry, Nicky” Shane whispered. “I should have been here to protect you”  
“It’s not your fault, Shay” Nicky assured him. “You couldn’t have known this would happen”

“I’ll be right back” Shane said. “I have to use the bathroom”   
Shane slid out of the bed and left the room. He went to the bathroom then made his way along the hall, heading back to the bedroom and to Nicky’s side. As he walked, he looked at the framed photos’ lining the hallway and he stopped to look at one. It was of himself and Liam, standing outside the family stable, they had their arms around each other’s shoulders and were both smiling at the camera.

It made him feel even more ill. He had so many photos of his lover’s rapist hanging all over his home. He reached up, wanting to take it down but anger overtook him and Shane punched the wall instead. Then he closed his eyes and began to cry.   
He hated himself for the part he’d unwittingly played in the whole situation. He’d told his brother so many details of his relationship with Nicky and hadn’t even given it any thought. Liam had been so caring, so understanding, so willing to listen.  
He sank to the floor, his back to the wall and buried his face in his hands. His entire body shook as he sobbed. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. He cried for himself, for his hurt lover, for his relationship with his brother and for his uncertain future.

Shane had been gone a long time so Nicky climbed out of bed and went looking for the younger boy. He found his lover sobbing on the floor and he hurried to his side. The blonde sank to his knees and wrapped his arms around him. Seeing Shane’s anguish set him off again and Nicky began to sob too.  
The two singers sat on the floor, holding each other as tightly as they could and cried together for the pain they both felt.


	4. Chapter 4

Neither one of them slept very well that night. Nicky was trembling like a leaf and Shane was on the verge of running to the bathroom and vomiting. Nicky showered alone while Shane went downstairs to make breakfast.  
He was on auto-pilot, boiling the kettle and scrambling eggs that neither of them was likely to eat. Shane carried two plates to the table and sat down. Nicky appeared and sat down opposite him. They both picked up a fork each and aimlessly pushed their food around their plates. Shane managed to drink his coffee.

“Shay?” Nicky broke the silence. “Are you… Going out at all today?”

Shane paused. With the band being on an extended hiatus, Shane had been spending more and more time at the stables with the horses and Liam. He knew the best thing to do today was stay with Nicky but he needed to confront Liam.

“Yes” Shane replied. “But just for a little while”  
“Do you have to go?”  
“I promise you, I’ll be a quick as I can”  
Nicky nodded his head in understanding but wouldn’t look at Shane.  
“I don’t want to leave you alone” Shane admitted. “How about I take you to Mark’s? It’s on the way and you can stay with him until I come get you…?”  
“Do you think I should tell him what happened?”  
“Oh, baby, it’s up to you… If you don’t want him to know… or anyone to know, for that matter”

“Are you going to tell Liam?” Nicky asked.   
Shane almost dropped his cup. He looked at Nicky, his eyes wide.  
“L… Liam?” he stammered.  
“I… It’s just that… I know you confide in him and I… I’m sorry, Shay but I don’t want him to know… I… I don’t think he likes me very much”  
“What makes you think that?”  
“I… I just get this weird vibe from him sometimes… the way he looks at me…” he shrugged his shoulders. “The last thing I need right now is another reason for him to think I’m not good enough for you”  
“Nicky! Liam doesn’t think that!”  
“Its’ okay, Shay… He’s your big brother… Honestly, I think he’s still a bit uncomfortable about the whole gay thing”  
“Nix, you and I have been together how long? If Liam had a problem with it, I’m sure I’d know about it”

Shane trailed off as he realized that wasn’t true.   
By the same reasoning, if Liam had had intentions of hurting Nicky then Shane should have known about it… Surely there was more to it than that? There was no way Liam would have attacked Nicky just because he wasn’t okay with Shane being gay.  
He started to feel sick in the stomach again. He really wasn’t looking forward to seeing his brother today.

*

Later that morning Shane drove Nicky to Mark’s house. They both went inside and Shane made small talk for a few minutes. The blonde was secretly happy that Shane was taking such precautions and that he didn’t have to be left alone in their house while his lover was at the stable.  
They had agreed not to tell anyone what had happened in the hopes that it would blow over. Shane really believed that it *was* over and that Nicky would be safe from now on but he needed to be sure.

The brunette drove down the street, barely obeying the traffic laws. A stray dog ran onto the road, catching Shane off-guard and causing him to slam his foot down on the brakes. The sudden distraction did little to take his mind off his situation.  
The dog disappeared so Shane continued on down the road. Once the stables were in sight, the singer found himself tightening his grip on the steering wheel as his anger began to intensify.  
He turned off the main road, drawing closer to his destination and a confrontation. The car came to a screeching halt when he slammed on the brake. Shane’s hands were beginning to shake as he turned off the ignition.

The brunette took several deep breaths. He was not looking forward to this at all. The only thing he could think about right now was how good it would feel when he found his brother and beat the shit out of him.  
He climbed out of the car and pushed the door closed, harder than he first intended. Shane clenched his hands into fists and determinedly marched up the front walk and straight into the main stable.

He looked around, wondering if his brother had the nerve to even show up for work this morning. He turned and peered out the window, sure enough, his brother’s car was parked behind the main building. Liam was around, somewhere, and Shane was going to find him.

“Liam?” Shane called. “Liam? Where the fuck are you, you fucking bastard?”  
He turned around and saw the office door swing open. There was his brother, standing in the doorway as though he’d done nothing wrong.  
The singer didn’t even hesitate. He marched straight up to his brother and punched him as hard as he could.

“You… You’re one sick, twisted son of a bitch!” Shane shouted.  
He threw another punch but Liam quickly deflected it. The younger boy lost all control and threw punch after punch at his brother but Liam easily deflected all of them. He kept going until Shane wore himself out and stopped his attack.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Shane asked once he’d stopped with the hitting. “How the hell could you do something like this? And to Nicky of all people?”  
“Because it’s Nicky!”  
“What are you…?”

And then it all fell into place. It was like a lightbulb flicked on above Shane’s head and everything became suddenly clear to him. Liam’s odd behaviour, his eagerness to listen to anything Shane was willing to divulge, the unreadable expression on his face when Shane had told him he was seeing Nicky…  
Liam was in love with Nicky! How had he failed to see something so obvious? 

“Oh God…” Shane paused as tears filled his eyes.  
“Just figured it out, have ya?” Liam asked.

For some reason, his response caused his brother to start fuming. Shane attempted, yet again, to punch his older brother but Liam side-stepped him. Shane’s anger was causing him to lose control and as he launched another attack, Liam caught his arm and brought it around, pinning Shane’s arm behind his back.  
As Shane tried to break free, Liam leaned forward and spoke to him.

“Oh come on, Shane!” Liam explained. “I’ve wanted to fuck Nicky since the first time I ever laid eyes on him but *you* got there first and I swore I’d never get in the way of that. But I never stopped wanting him… And then you came to me with that story about how he wanted to be raped and I saw my chance… but you weren’t supposed to come home”  
“Well I did come home” Shane snapped as he continued to fight free of his brother’s grasp. “Just not soon enough”  
“Don’t you get it? It was the perfect solution… he wanted to be raped and you didn’t want to do it… I wanted to fuck him and thought he’d let me if he really believed I was you”

Shane threw his weight towards his brother, throwing Liam off guard and causing his grip to loosen. The younger lad turned and lunged at his brother, sending both of them to the ground. Shane recovered first and threw a punch at his brother’s face. 

“You sick bastard” Shane insisted. “Did you really think you’d rape him and get away with it?”  
“Well… yeah” Liam shrugged. “Nicky would think it was you, you’d get the credit for giving him his fantasy and you’d both be happy”  
“Happy?” Shane spat. “You… You raped my boyfriend and you thought I’d be happy about it?”

When Shane made to throw another punch, Liam shifted and caught him. He raised himself onto his knees and wrapped his arm around his brother’s neck, pinning him in a headlock. 

“This didn’t have to be a bad thing” Liam stated. “You could have just accepted that I was willing to give Nicky what you weren’t”  
“Don’t say that!” Shane screamed.   
“You were right about one thing, Shane… He really did love having my tongue in his ass”  
Shane roared with anger and tried to break free of his brother’s strong grip.  
“He was practically begging me for more” Liam continued. “God, the sounds he made were practically obscene! I promise you, I’ll never forget what he tasted like”

Liam gathered his strength and pushed his brother as far away from him as he could. Shane rolled across the ground and his shoulder connected with the wall. The brunette tried to get up but he felt too weak to move.  
He’d told Liam about Nicky’s kink for having his ass licked… Had told him that in confidence and Liam had… Shane felt tears forming in his eyes. He’d told Liam everything! He’d practically given him a roadmap of things that turned Nicky on and Liam had used them against the blonde.

“I never would have thought to go there” Liam confessed. “But he tasted so good”  
Shane reached for the nearest object and threw it at his brother as hard as he could. Liam ducked out of the way.  
“I never meant to hurt you, Shane” he admitted. “You’re my brother and I love you… But I… I just wanted to… to touch him, to be with him, to fuck him… Even if it was just once… And you practically handed him to me on a silver platter”

Shane couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. It was all true!   
If he’d just kept his mouth shut, the thought probably never would have crossed Liam’s mind.

“No! Don’t turn this around” Shane argued. “You’re the one who did the wrong thing… You broke the fucking law”  
“And yet you didn’t call the police”  
“No”  
“Why not?”

Shane didn’t know how to answer him.  
“Why not?” Liam asked again. “You say I broke the law… So why didn’t you report me?”  
“You’re my brother” Shane admitted.  
“And Nicky? What did you tell him?”  
“That I didn’t see his face… Nicky didn’t see anything and as far as he knows… Neither did I… I was too concerned about him and it all happened so fast”  
“So you’re never going to tell him?”  
“That my own brother raped him?” Shane replied. “How can I ever tell him that?”

“And your friends? Or mam and dad?” Liam asked.  
“I don’t know” Shane admitted.  
“I didn’t do it to hurt him, Shane… I wanted to help you”  
“You had no right!”  
“I know… that’s why I… I thought it was a perfect solution to both our problems”  
“I don’t know if I can keep this from him… He has a right to know”

“Please don’t!” Liam actually sounded nervous.  
“What?” Shane pulled himself to his feet and took a step towards his brother.  
“Please don’t tell him… It’s a small town, Shane and people talk… I could lose everything”  
“And what about Nicky?”  
“He still has you”

Liam averted his eyes. “And I… I promise I’ll never lay a finger on him ever again”  
“How do I know I can believe you?” Shane asked him.  
“You don’t… But you’re my brother and I… I never meant to hurt you or Nicky… I just didn’t think it through…”  
“You had plenty of time to think about it… You must have planned it for days”  
“I meant that I… I didn’t think of the repercussions… I… I truly thought I’d get away with it”

“You honestly thought you could rape my boyfriend and just get away with it?” Shane asked him again.  
“He was supposed to think I was you” Liam explained. “If you hadn’t come home… If I’d finished with him and left then you’d returned home like normal, would you have taken credit for my work?”  
“What kind of a question is that?”  
“Answer me, please?”  
“I don’t know… I probably would have thought he was making the whole story up”

“I… Can’t see any way I can ever forgive you for this” Shane said to his brother. “I’m going home to be with my boyfriend and I think it’s going to be a long time before you see me here again”  
“Shane”  
“And if you come anywhere near Nicky, ever again, I will tell everyone what you did to him… I promise you that” 

With tears streaming down his cheeks, Shane turned his back on his brother and walked away. 

*

His heart was pounding a mile a minute as he drove back to Mark’s house. Shane pulled the car into the drive and parked behind Kian’s car. He wasn’t sure why the other lad was here but hoped his presence was the distraction Nicky needed right now.  
Shane climbed out of the car and started to walk towards the front porch. He pushed the door opened and stepped into the hall. The brunette could hear Kian’s voice coming from the rec room followed by the smack of a pool cue.

He’d barely gone two steps when Mark appeared and blocked his path. The younger boy grabbed his arm and pulled Shane up the stairs, along the hall and into his bedroom. Mark pushed the door closed then turned to confront Shane.

“Okay, out with it” Mark stated.  
“Out with what?” Shane asked.  
“The truth!”  
“What are you….?”  
“Shane… Nicky’s been a jittery, on-edge mess ever since you left. He caved within seconds of my questioning him”  
“He told you…?”  
“That someone broke into your house and tried to rob you? Yeah, he told me but I’m not buying it, Shane… Something else went down. I can see it in his eyes… Besides, when was the last time you heard of a home invasion here in Sligo?”  
“That doesn’t mean they don’t happen…”  
“Shane”

The older boy finally looked up and met Mark’s concerned eyes. The look of worry on his friends face was too much for him. Shane’s eyes filled with tears and he took off. The singer threw the door open, bolted down the hall and into the bathroom where he dry-wretched into the toilet.   
Mark followed him from a safe distance. He stopped in the doorway and watched as Shane leaned over the toilet bowl. The younger boy moved into the small room and picked up a washcloth. He ran it under the cold water then walked over to Shane. Mark sank to the floor beside his friend and gently wiped the cool cloth across the base of Shane’s neck.

The two singers sat there for a long time, neither one of them saying a word. Shane eventually pushed himself away from the basin and leaned back against the bathtub. He looked at Mark with tears in his eyes.

“What are you not telling me, Shane?” Mark asked him. Shane couldn’t seem to formulate the words he needed to say.  
“Something happened, didn’t it?” Mark asked. “Something bad?”  
Shane simply nodded his head.

“He said someone broke in” Mark began. “And that he was home alone?”  
Again Shane nodded his head in agreement.  
“Mark” Shane sobbed. “Nicky was raped”

The younger lad felt like Shane had slapped him across the face with a sledgehammer. He fell back in shock, his mouth opened wide with disbelief.  
“He was…? No!” he shook his head from side to side. “No… It couldn’t…”  
“He was… I… I came home and I… I walked in on it” Shane sobbed.   
“You saw…?”  
“Uh huh”

Then Shane buried his face in his hands and his entire body shook as he sobbed.  
Mark reached out and placed his hand on Shane’s shoulder. He couldn’t believe it… He didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t imagine what his friends were going through right now.  
No wonder Nicky had been on edge all day. Mark’s heart went out to Shane too. He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to come home and find a stranger in your house, raping your lover.

“Fuck, Mark” Shane sobbed. “I… I need to tell you the whole story”  
“There’s more?” Mark asked.  
“It wasn’t… exactly a home invasion”  
“What do you mean? It either was or it wasn’t”  
“You have to swear not to tell anyone what I tell you right now”  
“Shane”  
“Just promise me!”  
“Okay… Okay, I promise”

“A few days ago” Shane held back a sob. He needed to get the out as quickly as possible. “A few nights ago, Nicky told me that he had a secret fantasy”  
“God, do I even want to hear this?” Mark asked. He really didn’t want to know what Shane and Nicky did behind closed doors.  
“It’s important!”  
“Okay, go on”  
“He told me that he’d fantasized about being raped”  
“Well I guess that fantasy is broken”  
“Mark!”  
“Sorry… Please continue”

Shane sighed then took a deep breath.  
“He told me that and I kinda freaked… I was grossed out by the idea but I love Nicky and he trusted me to tell me this secret longing so I went online and did a whole bunch of research and I decided to give it a shot… I went out last night and accidently left my ‘research’ where Nicky could find it… And… And while I was out, someone came into our house but… But Nicky had found my research and he thought it was me”  
“Oh God”  
“He didn’t know! And he… he went along with it… I think” Shane swallowed hard. “I think he… kinda enjoyed it… until he realized it wasn’t me… I came home and interrupted it… The lad scampered as soon as he realized he had company”  
“Coward”

Shane reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes.  
“I don’t get it” Mark said. “Nicky told me you went out and he locked the door behind you… How did he get in? Was he already in the house before you left?”  
Mark gave a small shudder at the thought.

Shane choked back another sob. He had to tell Mark the whole truth. It was the right thing to do.  
“He had a key” Shane confessed.  
“What?” Mark almost laughed. “A key? How would some lad get his hands on a key to your house?”   
“Because I gave it to him” Shane whispered.

The older boy wasn’t looking at Mark so he was caught completely off guard when the younger lad grabbed him forcefully by the front of his shirt. Shane was pulled unceremoniously to his feet and Mark slammed his body against the closed bathroom door.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Mark practically shouted.  
“God, Mark” Shane sobbed. “It was Liam! It was Liam”  
Shane felt Mark’s grip on him completely vanish and the brunette sagged under his own defeat. The younger boy watched as Shane slumped against the door, defeated.

“Liam?” Mark whispered. “Your brother, Liam?”  
Shane nodded his head as he continued to cry.  
“Nicky doesn’t know” Shane confessed.  
“What? How can he not know?” Mark asked.  
“Because I lied to him” Shane cried between sobs. “I told him that I didn’t see the lads face… That he took off as soon as he realized he’d been caught in the act”  
“But… Why? Why would Liam do something like that? To Nicky? To you?”  
“Because I… I told him what Nicky told me a… about wanting to be… you know… and he talked me around… told me that if Nicky trusted me enough to tell me about it then I should be open minded and… God, I was such an idiot, Mark! Liam lured me out of the house, I’d arranged to go see him and when I got there, he wasn’t home… Because he was sneaking into *my* home… If I hadn’t given up waiting for him and gone home…” he shook his head.  
“But… Why? What possessed him to…?”  
“He’s been obsessed with Nicky for years and I never, ever suspected a thing! He was jealous of me and he saw an opportunity… He didn’t think I’d be game enough to do it myself so he… He said he was doing me a favour”

“When did he say…?” Mark trailed off. “That’s where you went this morning? To see him?” Shane nodded. “Well, I guess in a sick, twisted way… I kinda see where his reasoning was coming from”  
Mark saw the look on Shane’s face.  
“I’m not saying it was right!” he continued. “Just that… He was very sly; he saw his one and only chance and he took it” 

“I don’t know what to do, Mark” Shane confessed. “I told Nicky that I didn’t see the lads face… Because I was in shock. There was no way I was in any state to tell Nicky last night… And that made it easier to convince Nicky not to call the garda… Not that he really wanted to… I think he was embarrassed because he… well, he thought it was me… But now that I’ve talked to Liam…”  
“What did you say to him? To Liam, I mean?”  
“Not much… I called him names and tried to hit him… I… I just kept asking him why… He asked if I was going to report him but I told him that Nicky didn’t know who attacked him… He asked me never to tell him but I said I couldn’t make that promise… I mean, I don’t owe him anything but… But he…”  
“He’s your brother”  
“Exactly!”

“Shane” Mark began very tentatively. “You know you can’t keep this from him… That Nicky needs to know the truth”  
Shane’s eyes brimmed with tears.  
“But how? How can I tell him that my own brother did that to him?” Shane sobbed.  
“You can’t keep lying to him; the guilt will eat at you… and Nicky… God, Nicky’s a wreck, Shane… He thinks a random stranger broke into your house, called him by name and attacked him… He knows he locked the door and he can’t figure out how this lad got inside… You have to tell him the truth”  
“But the truth could destroy us”  
“Shane”  
“Liam knew everything, Mark… Because I told him everything… He knew exactly what to do to get a response from Nicky… Did everything he could to… to… make him enjoy it… I know Liam didn’t want to physically hurt him, he just… just wanted to… to be with him”

“Stop trying to justify Liam’s actions, Shane” Mark said.  
“But it’s kinda true” Shane replied. “If he’d really wanted to hurt him, he could have but he didn’t… I hate to say it but I think a part of me does believe Liam when he says he was trying to do me a favour”  
“But, at the end of the day, you’re the one Nicky loves and wants to be with. Nicky trusts you… He trusts you to be honest with him and this… This secret will tear you two apart”  
“But the truth could be equally damaging”  
“I can’t tell you what to do”  
“Why not?” Shane pleaded.  
“Because it doesn’t work like that” Mark smiled sadly at his friend. “In my opinion, you need to tell him the truth… But, if I were in your shoes, I can’t say I would want to do that… It’s up to you, Shane… I promise I won’t say anything to him but I really, honestly hope you do”

Shane nodded his head in understanding.  
“Thank you, Mark” he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his friend in a tight hug. The younger boy was quick to return the embrace.

When they separated Shane’s expression was one Mark could not read.  
“Shane?” he began.  
“I have to go” Shane said to him. “Please, don’t tell Nicky I was here… I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise!”

Shane leapt to his feet, threw the door open and quietly made his way back down the stairs. He paused in the hallway when he heard Nicky’s voice. The brunette then made his way towards the voice and stopped just shy of the doorway. Both Kian and Nicky had their backs to the door so neither of them knew he was there.  
When his eyes fell on his lover, he felt a pain straight through his heart. Not only had he lost his brother but he was now being forced to lie to the one person who trusted him above anyone else.

He was still staring when Nicky turned around and saw him. The blonde beamed at him and Shane couldn’t help smiling back. Nicky hurried to his love and threw his arms around him.  
“Hey, you’re back” Nicky said as Shane placed a kiss to his cheek. “Wanna wipe the floor with Kian and Mark at pool?”  
“I… Uh… Would love to, baby but I have to duck out”  
“Again? But you just got here”  
“I just stepped in the door when mam called… She needs something done so I said I’d go right over”  
“Do you want me to come with you?”  
“No, you stay here” he kissed him on the lips. “Stay with Kian & Mark and I’ll be back in a little while”

Nicky reached out and grabbed hold of Shane’s hand.  
“Don’t stay away too long” he whispered. “I feel safer with you around”  
Nicky’s admission tore at Shane’s heart.   
“I’ll be as fast as I can” Shane insisted, telling himself to hold back his tears.

He reluctantly released his lover’s hand, called a quick goodbye to Kian and Mark then disappeared out the front door. By now, Mark had joined his friends. Nicky was still looking shaken but happier now that he’d seen Shane.  
Mark didn’t envy Shane’s impossible decision. He’d hate to be a fly-on-the-wall for that conversation. Nicky would be devastated when he discovered that the man who’d raped him was someone he actually knew…


	5. Chapter 5

Shane stopped the car and climbed out. He walked around the house and into the back yard. The singer pulled his keys from his pocket and removed one from the key ring. He slid that key into the lock and opened the back door.   
Once inside, he placed the key on the kitchen counter with no intention of picking it up again. 

He’d been in Liam’s house many times before but this time it felt wrong. He’d been here less than twenty four hours ago but it felt like everything had changed since then. Shane looked at the chair he’d sat in, waiting for his brother to come home… Had he been sitting there when Liam had tied Nicky up?  
Pushing that thought from his mind, Shane made his way through the house. He knew Liam would still be at work so he wasn’t worried about getting caught. The brunette knew his brother had a key to his home and he was going to find it. He knew he could just ask him for it but he didn’t want to wait.

Shane moved through the living room, trying to decide where to search first. He thought the study was a good place to start so he went in there. The singer sat down at the desk and started rummaging through the drawers. He searched each one but couldn’t find any keys.  
So he returned to the kitchen and started to search in there. Liam’s house wasn’t overly big but a thorough search would take a long time. He decided to check the bedroom just in case…   
He had a weird feeling that if Liam had been harbouring a secret fixation on Nicky that he might have chosen to keep a key to Nicky’s house close to him.

The singer made his way through his brother’s house and stopped outside the closed bedroom door. In all the years he’d been coming here, he’d never once seen the inside of his brother’s bedroom. Shane pushed the door open and went inside. It was a typical room. A closet, king sized bed, drawers, bedside drawers… Shane went to the closet first.  
He pulled the door opened and saw all his brother’s clothes so he closed it. Then he opened the other door and gasped. It was like something straight out of a stalker movie… Taped inside the door was a series of photos of Nicky. There were seven in total. One had been torn in half to ensure Shane’s image was removed. 

Anger boiled inside him and he tore all the images from the door. They fell to the floor but Shane just left them there. Fuming to himself, Shane moved to the bedside draws and opened the top one. He rummaged around but found no key. He tried the second draw but still nothing.  
Then he pulled open the third one and found Liam’s camera next to a small journal. Shane picked up the journal and sat down on the bed. He opened the cover and found his house key taped to the inside.

His stomach churned. Shane’s eyes scanned to the very first page of the journal.  
‘I had a dream about one of Shane’s new band mates’ he read. ‘I know it’s weird and wrong because he’s so young but I’ve never seen anyone as captivating as him. My dream version of him is amazing too… For someone so young, he sure knows what to do in bed. I woke up so hard this morning. I had to jerk off and think about him… God, I need help’

Shane flicked a few more pages and found a similar entry where Liam mentioned another dream about Nicky. In this one he was in the office at work and he had sex with Nicky right on the desk… Nicky’s come had stained the wood.  
He slammed the book closed and tossed it aside then a thought crossed his mind and he picked it up again. Shane flicked through, looking at the dates at the top of the pages. He stopped at a date that was familiar to him.

‘Today I saw Shane dry-humping Nicky on my desk… MY desk… The one I’ve often dreamed of fucking him on myself. It took every ounce of restraint to stop myself from shoving my brother aside, bending Nicky over the desk and fucking his brains out. I know it’s wrong to still have these feelings about him… I mean, he’s with my brother so I really need to get over it but he’s just so fucking hot and such a tease… I saw him sucking on a lollypop and his tongue was all over the place. I couldn’t stop staring at him, especially once I started to image that lolly was my dick. Nicky caught me staring at him and it made him a little uncomfortable… Well, his tongue was making my dick hard which made me uncomfortable at work’

Shane flicked a few more pages.

‘Shane got to rim Nicky’s ass. That’s right, not only does my brother get to fuck the man of my dreams, he also gets to eat his ass. The worst part? He didn’t even enjoy it. He said it tasted weird and hoped he wouldn’t be asked to do it again. What the fuck is his problem? I almost told him I’d take that bullet for him… That it would be my pleasure to rim the fuck out of Nicky. Of course, now it’s all I can think of. He said that Nicky got off on it, that he came without anyone touching his cock. Nicky fucking came just from having his ass licked. Oh god… If I could bury my face in his ass, just once, I’d shove my tongue so far up inside him that he’d be screaming my name for the rest of his life.   
I haven’t been able to think straight all day. I can picture his naked ass, just begging to be fucked by my tongue, my fingers, my cock. God, I’m hard right now just thinking about it.   
If only he wasn’t dating my brother… I’d pull his pants down in the middle of the street if I could then rim his ass until he came… hopefully in front of an audience’

Shane blinked back tears. He’d told Liam in the strictest confidence and his brother had written it all down. He flicked through the book. Everything he’d ever told him about Nicky was all here.  
He didn’t want to see what he’d written the day Shane told him about the rape-fantasy so he turned to the final entry.

‘I finally did it. I finally got to have Nicky and it was everything I’d ever dreamed it would be. Sure, he thought I was Shane but that just made him all the more willing and compliant. I tied him up and blindfolded him and he looked so fucking hot. I tasted his come as it oozed out the tip of his weeping cock… And I finally got to rim his sweet ass. I parted his cheeks and buried my face in his ass… I drove him wild with excitement. He absolutely loved it, was begging for it… He was practically purring with need.  
I’d never heard anything as sexy in my life. I don’t think I will ever forget the sounds he made… And I will never forget how sexy he looked, not with the photos I took’

The book slipped from Shane’s hands. Liam had taken photos?  
He turned back to the draw and saw the camera. There was a small box underneath it. Shane picked it up; his hands were shaking as he opened it. The photo on top was one Shane kept in his phone. How the fuck had Liam gotten a copy of it?  
Then he flicked to the next one. It was a screenshot from a video that Shane had on his phone… So was the next photo. Liam must have printed them himself but he couldn’t understand where he’d gotten them from.

Shane’s hands were still shaking as he searched the box but there weren’t any more photos. He turned back to the journal and flicked through the empty pages. Tucked away inside the back cover he found more photos.  
Nicky was blindfolded, his hands above his head and his cock was rock hard. Liam’s gloved hand was wrapped around Nicky’s cock. Shane couldn’t hold back his tears any longer.  
The next photo had Nicky on his hands and knees.  
The next photo was a close up of Nicky’s naked ass.

Shane growled with anger. He gripped the photos in his hands and tore them in half. Then he tore the halves in half. He picked up the camera and threw it across the room, smashing the lens. He snatched up the other photos and tore them as well.  
Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse… Liam had taken photos!

The brunette was still holding the journal. He tried to rip it in half but it was a solid, leather bound book. As much as he wanted to destroy it, he knew his best option was to take it with him… He could burn it himself once he got it home.  
He opened the cover and made sure the key was still there then closed it. The very thought of touching this journal any longer made him feel sick.

Since he’d gotten what he came for, he stood up and left the room. He left the bedroom door open, not caring if Liam knew he’d been here. Then he made his way to the front door. He went outside and straight to his car. As he walked, he kept thinking of the photos he’d destroyed and the words he’d read in the journal.  
Shane stopped just shy of his car, bent over and began dry-retching. He was suddenly happy he hadn’t been able to eat anything all day. With tears in his eyes, he climbed into his car. He stashed the book in the glove compartment, wiped his eyes and started the car. 

*

Shane drove back to Mark’s house with that same sick feeling in his stomach. What Liam had done was bad enough but seeing the photos only made him feel worse. How had Liam managed to keep his fixation on Nicky a secret for so long? How had he failed to notice that his brother had wanted to fuck his lover?  
He stopped the car but didn’t get out. Shane reached out and opened the glove compartment. He pulled the journal out and opened it to a random page.

‘I was so close’ he read. ‘Nicky was drunk off his face tonight and flirted with everyone in the room. He danced up a storm and everyone stared at him. He was the life of the party. Even Shane couldn’t stop staring at him… especially when he started grinding his hips to the music. Most people found it funny but I thought it was hot. He was really getting into it too. Then he climbed up on the table and started to perform a strip tease’  
Shane remembered that night, thankfully Nicky didn’t. It had been New Year ’s Eve and Nicky was celebrating being single. He celebrated a little too hard.  
‘Mum was mortified and told Shane to stop him. I almost got there in time. Shane and I both reached the table as Nicky fell. We caught him between us and I got to feel his ass beneath my fingers. His jeans were so tight and I had to help steady him so I placed my hands on his ass and he moaned. I heard him… But then the clock struck midnight and he threw his arms around Shane. Then he kissed him.  
I could have punched my brother right there in the middle of the room but when Nicky pulled away, I saw the horrified look on Shane’s face and I felt better. Nicky had been drunk, Shane hadn’t initiated it; he hadn’t even wanted to be kissed by Nicky… But if I had just gotten there a split second sooner, Nicky probably would have been kissing me… And I never would have let him go’

Shane closed the journal. To this day, Nicky still had no memory of that night. Shane never told Nicky that he’d drunkenly kissed him… Even after they’d gotten together as a couple, Shane still hadn’t told him. He felt his stomach churn.   
How different would things be right now if Nicky’s hadn’t kissed him that night? Would Nicky have locked lips with Liam? Would Nicky and Liam be a couple now? Or would Liam have forced himself on Nicky back then?

He placed the journal back in the glove compartment and climbed out of the car. Shane made his way inside, quietly scolding Mark for leaving the front door unlocked. He quietly walked through the house and found Nicky, Kian and Mark right where he’d left them.  
Nicky looked up and saw him. He smiled at his lover. Shane stepped into the room and approached the blonde. He placed a gentle kiss to his lips before turning his attention to the pool table.

“So, who’s winning?” he asked.  
“I am” both Kian and Mark replied in unison. Nicky laughed.

“We were just about to stop for lunch” Mark changed the subject. “You lads want to stay?”  
“I… uh…” despite not eating anything this morning, Shane still wasn’t feeling hungry. “I should probably take Nicky home”  
“Can’t we stay?” the blonde asked. He looked at Shane, very hopeful.  
“You wanna stay?” Shane asked. His lover nodded his head. “Then I guess we’re staying”

“Ki?” Mark spoke up. “Why don’t you come into the kitchen and help me?”  
“Uh… sure” Kian could tell something was off between Nicky and Shane but he had no idea what. He hadn’t even been told the fake home invasion story yet.  
Both Kian and Mark left the room, leaving Nicky and Shane alone in private.

“I’m sorry, Shay” Nicky spoke first. “I… I don’t want to go back there yet”  
“I understand” Shane replied.  
He slid his arms around Nicky’s waist. The blonde flinched very slightly.  
“Are you okay?” Shane asked him.  
“I’m sorry; I guess I’m still a little on edge. I don’t mean to be”  
“It’s okay; you have every reason to be… But I… It hurts to see you flinch when I touch you”  
“Is that why you look so sad?”   
“What? Sad?”  
“You look like you just lost your best friend”

Shane averted his eyes. He’d just lost his brother and he couldn’t tell his lover the reason behind it.  
“I almost lost you, Nix” Shane said. “It scares me to think about it”  
“I don’t think he was going to kill me” Nicky admitted. “To be honest… I don’t even think whoever did it was trying to hurt me  
“What makes you say that?”  
“Because he… He pretended to be you… He answered when I called him ‘Shane’ and he… He did things to me that I… I would normally enjoy… It’s like he didn’t want me to be afraid… he wanted me to enjoy it”

“And you did” the words slipped out before Shane could stop them.   
Tears instantly filled Nicky’s eyes.  
“Yeah” he admitted. “I did… Because I thought it was you”  
“I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to say that” Shane tried to apologize.  
“Doesn’t matter, it’s true… I did enjoy it but thinking back on it, it makes me feel sick”  
“Me too” Shane admitted.

Nicky reached out and took both of Shane’s hands in his. He looked up into his lover’s eyes and held his gaze.  
“I love you, Shane” Nicky insisted. “But nothing like this has ever happened to me before and I don’t know how to deal with it… how to process it… I wish I could forget about it and move on but right now, I can’t… I wish I could tell you to throw me on the pool table and fuck me like you usually do when Mark’s out of the room but I can’t… Because I don’t know how I would react to something like that… I don’t know how my head or my body is going to react to anything right now so all I can say is… please be patient with me”  
“Nicky, I love you” Shane replied. “And I will be as patient as you need me to be… I will wait and wait and wait until you’re ready for me to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you, to make love to you… I will always be here for you”

“Uh” Kian’s voice cut through the room.  
The two singers’ turned and looked at their friend. He had the most confused expression on his face.  
“I was gonna to say lunch is about ready” Kian continued. “But what the fuck are you two talking about?”

*

They ended up telling Kian half the truth. Well, it was the entire truth on Nicky’s side of the story but Mark and Shane exchanged several looks. Shane actually debated showing Mark the journal he’d found… Not that he really wanted Mark to be privy to such personal information but he couldn’t help feeling that the journal was what Liam would use to justify his actions.

Lunch ended up being put on hold while they talked but once it was time to start eating Mark began to pour alcohol into their glasses. Then, once the alcohol started flowing, it didn’t stop.  
Shane and Nicky were drinking with relatively empty stomachs and it wasn’t long before they were both tipsy. It helped them to relax and not think about the events of the previous night; Shane even managed to temporarily forget about Liam. 

Once they were well and truly gone, Kian hustled everyone into the living room. He turned the entertainment system on and slipped a DVD in the player. Shane spat out his beer when he saw what was on the screen.

“Really, Ki?” Shane laughed. “Our first tour?”  
“Why the fuck not?” Kian laughed before collapsing in one of the armchairs.

Nicky was lying on his back on the couch, Shane sat on the floor in front of him. Mark settled himself in an oversized bean bag that he was never going to be able to get out of in his drunken state. Kian pressed play and cranked up the volume.  
“Oh God” Nicky laughed. “What were we thinking?”  
Shane smiled. It was good to hear Nicky’s laughter.

Kian left the room and came back a few minutes later with more alcohol and two bowls of popcorn. He handed one to Shane then settled next to Mark to share the second bowl.  
The afternoon passed in a drunken haze of laughter. Once the DVD came to an end, Kian jumped up and switched it for their second tour DVD. They laughed and threw popcorn at the screen and each other. Funny stories were exchanged and another DVD was slipped into the player.

They didn’t stop for dinner. They simply ordered pizza and waited for it to be delivered as they worked their way through their entire DVD collection. Mark drunkenly sang along to the songs and they all fought over the remote to press ‘skip’ every time they heard themselves sing ‘Mandy’

They were just finishing the ‘Face to Face’ tour DVD when Mark noticed the time.  
“Shit” he said. “It’s late”  
“Fuck…” Kian groaned. “Where are my keys?”  
“I’m too sloshed to drive” Shane confessed.  
“There’s plenty of room” Mark said, his eyes already drooping. “Just stay here the night”

The party now over, Kian turned off the TV while Mark tried three times to climb out of the bean bag. Shane and Nicky were the first to head upstairs. The brunette had crashed at Mark’s more times than he could count so he took Nicky’s hand in his and led the blonde up to the guest room he normally stayed in.  
Shane turned the light on and Nicky pulled the duvet back. They didn’t speak as they both stripped down to their underwear and climbed into bed together. The brunette cursed aloud for leaving the light on and reluctantly got up. He pushed the door closed, flicked the light switched then groped about in the dark to try to find the bed.  
The younger boy slid under the covers and, without thinking, immediately reached out for his lover. Nicky shifted away but immediately regretted it. 

“I’m sorry” Nicky whispered into the darkness.  
“Its’ okay” Shane replied.  
He felt the blonde shifting beside him then Nicky’s body was pressed up against his. Nicky’s head rested upon Shane’s shoulder; his hand flat upon Shane’s chest.  
“No, it’s not okay” Nicky murmured. “I shouldn’t be so… flinchy”  
“You were attacked baby… of course you’re going to be on edge”  
“But I shouldn’t be… Not with you, anyway”  
“Well I promise I won’t take offence”  
“Good”

They fell into a comfortable silence. Nicky’s hand softly stroking Shane’s chest while Shane’s hand carefully rubbed Nicky’s back.

“I can’t remember the last time I was this trashed” Shane told Nicky.  
“Me neither” Nicky sounded so sleepy. “Unless you count that New Year’s Eve at your parents’ house a few years back… I must have been bad… I don’t remember any of it… Though Mark insists I had a great time”

Nicky felt his lover’s body fill with tension.  
“Shay?” Nicky asked. “You okay?”  
“I’m fine, baby” Shane placed a kiss upon his forehead. “Just… waiting for the room to stop spinning”  
“Just close your eyes and go to sleep… You’ll feel better in the morning”  
“I’m gonna feel like shit in the morning, Nix”  
“Me too”

They heard footsteps out in the hall and realized Mark and Kian were on their way up to their respective beds. Both Nicky and Shane were too tired to register the sound of only one door closing.

*

None of the lads were up very early the following morning. In fact it was almost lunch time before Shane surfaced. He slipped out of bed, stumbled into the bathroom and climbed into the shower.  
When he returned to the guest room, Nicky was beginning to stir. Shane crossed the room and greeted him with a morning kiss.

“My head” Nicky groaned. Shane kissed his forehead.  
“We’ll get some coffee into you” Shane said.  
“Mmmmmmm”  
“Go shower and I’ll make you some coffee”

Nicky reached up and pulled Shane down to meet him in a gentle kiss.  
“Love you” Nicky whispered.  
“Love you” Shane replied. He placed a quick peck to the tip of the blonde’s nose before he pulled away. Nicky watched his lover leave the room, smiling to himself, then he threw back the duvet and climbed out of bed.

*

Shane sat down at the table with a cup of coffee in his hands. He was staring off into the middle distance, his thoughts on his current predicament. The brunette hated knowing that he was lying to his lover but he was terrified the truth would tear him and Nicky apart. He honestly had no idea how Nicky would react if he learned the truth.   
The singer knew it was wrong to keep it from him but he honestly didn’t know how to even begin the conversation. In the end he made the cowardly choice to keep it to himself unless Nicky brought it up.

Kian stumbled into the kitchen and made straight to the refrigerator. He pulled the door open and located the leftover pizza. Stuffing half a slice in his mouth, he turned around and carried the box to the table. Shane looked up at him over the brim of his coffee cup.

“You look like shit” Shane said to him.  
“Fuck you” Kian snapped around the pizza in his mouth. Shane simply smiled before taking a sip of coffee.

Nicky joined them and Shane handed him a cup of coffee. He smiled thankfully and sat down beside Kian. His stomach gave a low growl from the lack of food the previous day so he picked up a slice of pizza.  
By the time Mark staggered into the kitchen, Kian was on his third slice of pizza. Shane had finished his coffee and Nicky was nibbling on a second slice.

“My head hurts” Mark grumbled.  
“Coffee?” Shane offered. Mark nodded and buried his face in his hands.

Of the four lads, Shane seemed to be the least hung-over. He stood up, walked over to the counter and checked the water in the kettle was still hot. Minutes later he was setting a steaming hot mug down in front of Mark.

“So” Shane began. “Anyone got any plans for the day?”  
“Fuck no” Kian groaned.  
“How ‘bout you, Shay?” Nicky asked. “You heading to the stables again today?”

“Uh” Shane paused. Nicky wasn’t looking at him but staring down at his coffee. “No, actually, I’m not needed there today”  
“Really? Wait… Are you ever actually needed there?” Nicky smiled.  
“I’m sorry, Nix… I’ve just been going to give Liam a hand but once this break is over and we’re back recording he’ll have to get by without me so I… Don’t want him to become too dependent on my being there”  
Nicky nodded his head in understanding.  
“Besides” Shane reached out and placed his hand upon Nicky’s. “I want to be with you… I don’t want you to be alone right now”  
“Shay, I don’t need a babysitter”  
“Seriously, baby, I’ve been running off and leaving you a lot lately… that has to stop. You need me and I want to be here for you”   
“But Shay, I don’t want to pull you away from the things you love”  
“You’re the most important love I have”  
“I don’t want Liam to think I’m keeping you away from his stables… I think he likes having you around”

Shane knew Nicky was trying to be nice but his words stung. It was true; Liam did like having him around because Shane unwittingly told him so many personal details about Nicky.  
He was certain that Liam would know by now that Shane had been at his house yesterday and had stolen his journal.  
There was no way Shane was going to go back to the stable any time soon. He never wanted to see his brother ever again and he never wanted his brother to set eyes on Nicky ever again. 

He squeezed Nicky’s hand and smiled at him.  
“I don’t care” Shane admitted. “Liam can survive without me”  
“And I can’t?” Nicky asked.  
“I don’t want you to. I want to be with you, Nicky, even if you don’t want me to be”  
The blonde smiled and squeezed Shane’s hand in return.

“I swear I’m never drinking again” Kian grumbled. Both Nicky and Shane laughed.  
“You always say that” Nicky said to him.  
“Well, I mean it this time” Kian snapped.  
“You always say that too” Shane added.  
“I haven’t felt this bad since that New Year’s that Nicky and I got trashed” Kian replied. 

Nicky felt Shane’s hand tense in his and looked at him inquisitively. He cocked his eyebrow at his lover but Shane didn’t say anything.  
“Baby?” Nicky asked, looking at him with concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”  
“What?” Shane snapped out of it. “Oh, yeah… Just… That uh New Year’s has been brought up a bit recently and it’s just weird is all”

“I never showed you lads the photos I took that night!” Mark spoke up.  
“What?” Kian asked.  
“You took photos?” Nicky replied.  
“Yeah, remember I was kinda seeing that photographer? He was teaching me how to take good pictures and I was using one of his camera’s… Anyway, I’d forgotten all about it but he contacted me about four months ago because he’d moved studios and found the photos on an old camera so he sent them to me”  
“And you didn’t show us?” Kian asked.  
“I didn’t even look at them” Mark confessed. “The first few were of me and him and I… I got a bit upset so I just threw the whole thing in the closet and forgot about it”  
“Which closet?” Kian wanted to know. “We so have to see them!”  
“In the guest room where Nicky and Shane crashed last night” 

Kian grumbled and climbed to his feet then he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. A moment later they heard his footsteps on the stairs. Mark turned and looked at his band mates.  
“You two sleep okay?” he asked. “Do I have to give the sheets a thorough cleaning?”  
“You should clean the sheets every time someone stays, Mark” Nicky replied.  
“I know that, just making sure neither of you vomited during the night or anything”   
“We were fine” Shane told him. “No vomit, no nothing”

Mark nodded in understanding. A moment later, Kian’s footsteps echoed down the stairs. The younger boy appeared in the doorway clutching a photo album in his arms.

“He sent you an entire album?” Kian asked him.  
“There were a lot of photos” Mark replied. “And he was always about presentation”

Kian sat down at the table and the four of them leaned forward, crowding around the album, as he opened the front cover. The first two images were of Mark and the photographer. Shane cast his gaze in Mark’s direction. The younger boy had been very happy back then, the relationship had fizzled out though, and Mark hadn’t held a long term relationship since.   
Mark didn’t seem to be looking at the photos. He was watching Kian look at the images. The blonde appeared to be examining them very closely. No one said anything even though Kian seemed to be lingering.

Nicky reached across and turned the page. Kian opened his mouth in protest but closed it once he saw the images on the next page. Mark had managed to capture photos of nearly everyone who had attended the party. There was an image of Kian’s cousin Gillian; she was smiling at the camera, oblivious to the fact that Kian was doing a keg-stand behind her.

“What the fuck?” Kian exclaimed when he saw himself. Nicky burst out laughing.  
Shane looked at his lover, happy to hear his laughter.  
“I wouldn’t laugh, baby” Shane said with a twinkle in his eye. “You did it too”  
“I would not!” Nicky shouted.  
“You did” Mark replied. “See?”  
He pointed to the next image. Nicky leaned closer for a better look. His jaw dropped when he saw himself.  
“Oh fuck” Nicky exclaimed as he rubbed his forehead.  
“At least you kept your balance” Mark said to him. “Kian fell over”

Shane laughed. He’d forgotten about Kian’s nose dive off the keg.  
That night had been a great one but Nicky kissing him had pushed all other memories of the party from his mind. When both Nicky and Kian had woken up with nothing more than fuzzy thoughts and severe hangovers, Mark and Shane had agreed to keep their embarrassing activities a secret.  
He was surprised they’d managed to keep quiet so long but seeing these photos was going to result in some confessions. 

Kian reached out to turn the page but Shane immediately slammed his hand on top of the blonde’s to stop him. All eyes turned to the brunette.  
“What the fuck?” Kian winced.  
“Shane, what…?” Mark began. Nicky was staring at his lover in surprise.

“Nicky, I have to tell you something” Shane blurted out.  
“And what you thought the best way to start was to assault Kian?” Nicky asked him.  
“No” Shane loosened his grip. “Sorry, Ki… I just… We don’t know what else might be in here”  
“Like what?” Kian asked. He sounded annoyed at Shane.

“Nix” Shane turned and looked at Nicky. “You were really, really drunk that night”  
“I know” Nicky replied, very deadpanned. “And I can see that too”  
Shane reached up with his free hand and rubbed his eyes.

“You were really drunk and you started dancing on the table” Shane hurried to explain. “And performing a strip tease”  
Nicky’s eyes widened in surprise. Kian burst out laughing. Mark averted his gaze.  
“I…” Nicky’s jaw dropped. “I would never…”  
“You did, Nicky” Mark replied. He wouldn’t look at his friend. Shane took a deep breath.  
“You started dancing up a storm and got really carried away… So Liam and I tried to stop you but you lost your balance and you fell… off the table… and into my arms… Then you threw yourself at me and you kissed me”

“I… What?” Nicky exclaimed.  
“You kissed me, Nicky” Shane admitted. “In front of everyone… mostly every one there could see that you were wasted so we agreed to not mention it… ever… so as to not embarrass you”  
“No Fucking Way!” Nicky shouted.

Shane took his hand off of Kian’s and turned the page. There for everyone to see was a photograph of Nicky being supported by Shane and his brother Liam. Nicky’s arms were around Shane’s neck and they were joined at the lips.  
Nicky grabbed the album off the table, pulling it closer to examine the image. Shane peered at the album over the blonde’s shoulder. He wasn’t looking at their images though he couldn’t take his eyes off Liam. His brother’s hands were on Nicky’s waist but there was such anger and hatred in his eyes as he stared at Nicky and Shane.  
The brunette had to look away.

“Jesus, Shane” Nicky turned on his love. “How could you not tell me?”  
“It was embarrassing at the time” Shane confessed.  
“But even after we got together?”  
“I honestly kinda forgot about it”  
“Don’t you see, this changes everything now”  
“How so?”  
“I’ve spent the past eighteen months of this relationship convinced that you made the first move… that you’re the one who hit on me… when in actual fact, I came on to you first”

“Does it really matter who made the first move?” Mark asked them.  
“No” Shane replied.  
“Yes” Nicky replied.  
“Nicky-” Shane tried to explain.  
“I always thought you had more guts than me” Nicky cut him off. “A part of me was always slightly disappointed in myself for not having the courage to tell you how I felt”

“Wait” Kian spoke up. “So you’re not mad that he kept it from you?”  
“Mad?” Nicky replied. “Well… Maybe a little but… at the end of the day, I put the moves on you first!”  
“So you did” Shane replied. “I’m sorry for not telling you the truth”  
“Yeah, you should be” Nicky was grinning as he spoke. “Don’t ever lie to me again, Shay. Okay?”  
“Okay”

With that one simple word, Shane realized that he could never keep a secret as big as the one he was currently withholding from his lover. He’d already lost his brother and coming clean would probably cost him the love of his life but he had to do it… Not right now though. It simply wasn’t the right time.   
He needed to talk to Nicky when they were alone and he could sit his love down and explain everything to him properly.

The four of them then turned their attention back to the photo album. Shane’s heart was beating a mile a minute. He didn’t want to have to do it but he knew it was the right course of action. He simply couldn’t keep this from Nicky. It just wasn’t right.   
He was distracted for the rest of the afternoon but none of his friends really noticed. Mark kept giving him dirty looks but only because he knew Shane had lied to Nicky when he’d promised not to lie to him.  
Every now and then, Mark would catch Shane’s eye and narrow his eyes. The older boy would simply avert his gaze. 

As they were leaving, Mark walked them out to their car. Nicky climbed into the passenger seat while Shane walked over to the driver’s side. Mark reached out and grabbed his arm.

“You promised” Mark hissed. “You promised not to lie to him”  
“I know” Shane replied. “And I swear, I’m going to come clean”  
“When?”  
“A few days. Honest! I just dropped one bombshell on him; he’s not ready for another one today”

He yanked his arm free of Mark’s grasp and opened the car door.  
“Thanks for last night” Shane kept his voice light and cheery.  
“Yeah, thanks Mark” Nicky smiled at his friend.  
“Call me if you need to” Mark replied.

As Shane backed the car down the drive, Mark turned to Kian.  
“So, do you wanna hear what embarrassing things you did that night?” he asked the blonde.  
“Did I perform a strip tease too?” Kian asked.  
“Not that I saw”  
“Oh… Would you like to?”

Mark’s eyes trailed up and down Kian’s body before resting upon his eyes.  
“Upstairs… Now!” Mark hissed. Kian licked his lips then turned on his heel and bounded back inside the house, Mark followed closely at his heels.


	6. Chapter 6

Two days passed and Shane still hadn’t confessed the truth to Nicky. He wanted to but he was afraid. Afraid of how Nicky would react. Afraid of how it would affect their relationship. They’d both been in very sombre moods during the drive home. Neither one saying much during the trip and once the car came to a halt, they had climbed out and gone inside in silence. 

Shane knew it was wrong to be keeping quiet about Liam but he didn’t have the heart to break the news to him right now… He also didn’t have the courage yet. The singer tried many times to practice what exactly he wanted to say to Nicky but he kept fumbling over the words. It was going to be near impossible for him to willingly destroy their happiness.

Nicky found it strange that Shane hadn’t left the house for nearly three days. When he asked why he wasn’t visiting the stable, Shane had merely shrugged and told Nicky that he wanted to stay home and be with him. The blonde wanted to believe him but he could tell something was bothering Shane.  
He feared it was something he’d done… Ever since the attack Nicky had been nervous about being intimate with Shane not that he felt any pressure from his lover… Not once had Shane tried to initiate anything more than a tender kiss.

The blonde didn’t know if he felt mad or upset. He was definitely angry at himself for not being able to engage with his lover. Each time he’d come close to trying, something would make him stop. He was also upset that every time he approached Shane for a reassuring hug he could see *something* in his lover’s eyes and the brunette would be the first to pull away. 

After isolating themselves inside their home for four days straight it was finally time to venture back into the real world. Shane’s mother had invited the two of them around for dinner and was outright refusing to take ‘no’ for an answer. She even threatened to bring the meal to them if they didn’t arrive at her house by 7pm.  
Shane chose the five minute drive to his parents’ house to engage Nicky in conversation.

“I’m sorry we have to do this” Shane began.  
“Do what?” Nicky replied. He was genuinely confused by Shane’s apology.  
“Dinner with my parents”  
“Shay, we have to eat… And your mother worries about you. She just wants to make sure you’re having plenty of home cooked meals before you go back to work”

Shane smiled. He reached out and placed his hand upon Nicky’s knee.  
“I love you” he blurted out.  
“I know” Nicky smiled and petted Shane’s hand. “I love you too”  
“I’m sorry things have been… weird between us”  
“Now really isn’t the time to be talking about-”  
“I know but I have to… I have to say this… I don’t know how to act around you”  
“Act around me?”  
“I want to be there for you and help you but I… I don’t know what you’re going through right now… I’m sorry I never asked but you haven’t volunteered any feelings either”  
“You’re right… I haven’t… Because I honestly don’t know how I feel anymore, Shane… I mean, I feel so stupid for allowing myself to fall for it and it creeps me out to think that they called me by my name and… They answered when I called them by yours”

Shane entwined his fingers with Nicky’s then brought the blonde’s hand up to his lips. He gently kissed his palm. Nicky smiled reassuringly at Shane.

“I think” Shane began. His voice sounded strained even to his own ears. “That we should talk about this when we get home tonight”  
“I think you’re right” Nicky agreed.

He pulled the car into the drive and turned off the engine. Nicky leaned over and placed a kiss to Shane’s cheek before turning and opening the door. The couple climbed out of the car and made their way up the front walk.   
Shane knocked on the door and was greeted by his mother. She grinned and pulled both lads into her arms at the same time. The younger boy couldn’t help smiling into the hug.

They made their way inside and Nicky joined Shane’s mother in the kitchen while the brunette went to find his father. Nicky picked up a wine glass and poured himself a generous helping. Mae laughed and jokingly told him to go easy so they wouldn’t have to talk him down off any of the furniture. Nicky laughed now that he finally understood the joke.

Shane found his father outside in the yard and they spent the next few minutes catching up. Peter told his son everything new with each of his brother’s and sister’s. Shane was surprised when his father told him that he suspected something was wrong with Liam. The singer shrugged his shoulders and truthfully told his father that Liam hadn’t mentioned anything to him about it.  
Nicky came outside and handed Shane a glass of wine. He slipped his hand into Shane’s while the younger boy talked with his father. Nicky hadn’t realized how much he’d missed physical contact with his lover.

Before they knew it, Mae was calling them all inside for supper. Nicky went inside and up to the bathroom while Shane and his parents made their way into the dining room. Shane refilled Nicky’s glass while he waited for the blonde to join them. The three of them made small talk until Nicky returned.  
The older boy was just pulling out his chair when he heard the front door open then close.

“Sorry I’m late”  
A voice called from the entryway.  
“In here” Mae replied. “We’re just about to start eating”

Shane’s eyes darted around the room and he suddenly realized the table was set for five. How had he not noticed that sooner?  
Seconds later Liam appeared in the doorway. He didn’t seem surprised to see Shane and Nicky seated at the table. He simply smiled at each of them before walking over to his mother and hugging her.

“Yeah” Liam continued. “I didn’t realize how late it was… Time seems to be getting away from me a lot lately”  
“Been keeping busy?” Peter asked his son.  
“For the most part” Liam shrugged. “Doesn’t help that Shane’s been AWOL lately”

“I already told you” Shane said as he tried not to grit his teeth. “We’re going back to Dublin soon and you’ll have to make do without me then so you might as well get used to it”  
“I was just making a joke, Shane” Liam replied.  
“Well excuse me for not having much of a sense of humour lately”  
“You mean you used to have one?”

Nicky was used to the brother’s having an amicable banter but something felt off. He couldn’t place what it was and from the look on Mae’s face she couldn’t either.  
The blonde tried to change the subject by complimenting Mae’s cooking. Peter seconded the compliments.  
Shane spent most of the meal forcing himself to chew and swallow his food when all he wanted to do was leap across the table and smack his brother across the face. He was furious that Liam had shown up but he couldn’t let on that something was wrong, not in front of his parents and Nicky.

“Shane, sweetie, are you okay?” Mae asked her youngest son. “You look… Ill”  
“I’m fine, mam” Shane forced himself to smile at her. “Just… indigestion, I guess”

Mae and Peter controlled the rest of the dinner conversation. Nicky tried to play along but he had no idea what was really wrong with Shane. Liam seemed like his usual self so Nicky assumed the older lad wasn’t that heartbroken about Shane not visiting the stables over the past few days.

After what felt like hours, dinner was finally over and Shane offered to help his mother clear the dishes from the table. She then pushed her luck by making Shane help her wash the dishes. He’d wanted to refuse but he didn’t have the heart. His mother had done a wonderful job with dinner, washing up was the least he could do. But a part of him didn’t want to… couldn’t leave Nicky alone with Liam. He relaxed a fraction when he saw his father still in the dining room with them.

Shane was distracted as he helped his mother clean up. She didn’t say much but did encourage him to fix whatever was wrong between him and his brother. When he asked her what she was talking about, she merely told him that a mother always knows when something is wrong with her children.  
It felt like the pile of dishes refused to disappear and Shane became more and more agitated the longer it took. Finally the last plate was clean and he was free to get back to his lover.

The brunette hurried into the dining room and found his father reading the newspaper alone. His eyes widened in shock.  
“Dad?” he asked. He tried to remain calm. “Where is…?”  
“Nicky went into the living room” Peter replied without looking up from the paper.  
“And Liam?”

Peter sighed and looked at his youngest son.  
“Whatever the two of you are fighting about” he began. “I hope you sort it soon. Your mother is worried about both of you”  
“We’re fine, dad” Shane insisted.  
“Liam said you haven’t spoken to him in days… Did you know his house got broken into? Someone broke his camera”  
“No… I uh didn’t know that… Did he report it?”  
“I told him to but he didn’t want to. He said it wasn’t worth it because there wasn’t anything of value on it”

Shane bit his lip to hold back a response. He averted his eyes and stared down at the floor. He’d felt so good when he’d broken the camera but now he felt stupid. Of course Liam would have back-up copies of his disgusting photos.  
The singer shook his head and left the room. He tried not to run but he had to hurry; he needed to get to Nicky and make sure he was okay. Shane heard his lover’s rich laughter and he stopped in his tracks. He hadn’t heard that beautiful sound in days.  
Shane stepped towards the doorway and he froze.   
Nicky was still laughing at whatever Liam was saying to him but his brother was standing very close to Nicky. Too close. His lips were right near Nicky’s ear as he whispered something to him. Liam’s arm was ghosting its way around Nicky’s waist.

Shane felt his anger levels beginning to rise as the scene before his eyes shifted. All he could see was his brother holding Nicky down on the bed and forcing himself upon him. He clenched his hands into fists and shot into the room, grabbing at Liam’s shirt and throwing his brother up against the wall.

“Don’t you dare lay a fucking finger on him!” Shane screamed.  
“Whoa, Shay, calm down” Nicky tried to talk his lover down.  
Liam didn’t say a word but both of their parents seemed to have appeared from nowhere and were staring at their sons in complete shock. 

“Shay, let him go” Nicky pleaded.  
“Shane, what’s gotten into you?” Mae asked.  
“Son, let your brother go” Peter said.

“I told you to stay away from him” Shane insisted through gritted teeth.  
Liam wasn’t even trying to break free of Shane’s grasp.  
Nicky gently placed his hand upon Shane’s shoulder.

“Shay, baby?” Nicky whispered. “It’s okay, just let him go and we can talk about this, okay?”  
Shane was still glaring at his brother. He’d never felt so angry in his life.  
“Please, Shay?” Nicky said softly. He reached out and carefully placed his hand on top of Shane’s then he gently tried to pry Shane’s fingers from Liam’s shirt.  
“I’m sorry, Liam” Nicky said to the older boy. “I just don’t know what’s gotten into him”

“Maybe the same thing I got into” Liam said as he stared into Shane’s eyes.  
“You ba-” Shane began but Nicky cut him off.  
“Come on, Shane!” Nicky shouted at his lover. He finally managed to pull Shane away from his brother. The brunette was glaring at the older boy with such hatred. Nicky had never seen his lover like this before.

“Shay, look at me”   
Nicky placed both hands on Shane’s cheeks and urged his lover to look at him, to meet his gaze and they stared into each other’s eyes.  
“Calm down” Nicky whispered. “You’re just on edge. There’s no reason to take it out on your brother”  
“Oh, Nicky” Shane shook his head as tears filled his eyes.  
Nicky’s simple words filled Shane with such guilt that the younger lad surrendered to his sobs. He threw his arms around Nicky and buried his face in the blonde’s neck.  
The singer looked over at Shane’s parents with a look of bewilderment on his face. Peter actually shrugged at him.

“Come on, Shane” Nicky said. “I’m gonna take you home, okay?”  
“Okay” Shane sobbed.  
Nicky caught Liam’s eye and mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’ to the older lad. He honestly had no idea what had caused Shane to snap like that. He felt bad for Liam, being caught in Shane’s line of fire.

Both Mae and Peter watched as Nicky ushered Shane from the room. It wasn’t easy but he managed to get his lover outside and over to the car. He opened the door and helped Shane into the passenger seat. Nicky stood up and thanked Mae and Peter for dinner. He apologized for Shane’s behaviour as they hugged goodbye.

While Nicky was talking to their parents, Liam made his way over to the car. Shane rolled the window down and stared up at his brother.  
“For the record” Liam began. “I’m not dumb enough to try anything with you in the very next room”  
“You fucking bastard” Shane spat. Then Liam leaned even closer and lowered his voice.  
“Sometimes I can still taste him in my mouth”

Before he could react Nicky was back by his side. The blonde said goodbye to Liam and apologised to him for Shane’s actions. Liam waved them aside.  
“We’re brothers, Nicky” Liam laughed. “Brother’s fight”  
“Not like that they don’t” Nicky replied as he turned and made his way around to the driver’s seat.

Shane was still fuming as Nicky started the engine. The older boy had been drinking and probably shouldn’t be driving but it was barely five minutes to their house. The blonde kept his hands on the wheel and his attention on the road. He was tempted to sneak a peek at Shane but he didn’t. Out the corner of his eye he could see Shane flexing his fingers into fists. He wanted to say something but chose to keep his mouth shut.  
Nicky pulled the car into the drive and cut the engine. Neither one of them said a word or made to climb out of the car. Nicky felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He reached in and pulled it out to see who had texted him. It was from Liam.

“Who’s texting you?” Shane asked.  
“Your mam” Nicky replied. “She just wanted to make sure we got home okay… I’ll text back once we’re inside”  
“I’m sorry, Nicky”  
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, Shay”  
“I know…” Shane stared down at his hands. He sounded so defeated. “I’ll talk to my mam in the morning”  
“That’s probably a good idea”

Shane removed his seatbelt then reached out and opened the door. He climbed out of the car and started towards the front door. Nicky watched him for a moment before following him inside.  
He closed and locked the front door, stopping to check it twice. Shane watched as Nicky double checked the lock. He, once again, felt the guilt creeping up inside him. His blonde lover was feeling paranoid about the door locks and, it too, was Shane’s fault. He knew he couldn’t keep lying to Nicky about what had happened. He’d promised himself that he would talk to him once dinner with his parents was over… but now really wasn’t the time. He could see that Nicky was still mad at him for the way he’d acted in front of his parents, not to mention the way he’d attacked Liam.

“Baby?” Shane began. “I’m really tired”  
“I understand” Nicky replied. He wouldn’t look at Shane.  
“I… uh… I’m going to head up to bed, okay?”  
“Sure… I’ll make sure everything’s locked up down here”

Once again Shane felt the guilt seeping in. Nicky had started to double check and triple check all the locks every night. Shane knew he could easily put a stop to this obsessive compulsive behavior by telling Nicky the truth. But he was too much of a coward. He simply nodded his head, placed a single kiss to the blonde’s cheek and turned to walk up the stairs.   
Shane was too tired to bother with a shower so he stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed.  
Ten minutes later he heard Nicky’s footsteps on the staircase. The door opened and he listened as Nicky made his way over to the bed. He heard the blonde shed his clothes then felt the bed shift beside him as Nicky slipped under the blankets.  
Neither of them reached for the other. They lay with their backs turned to each other.

Shane told himself it was because they still weren’t sleeping in their own bed. Neither one of them had been willing as they both, seemingly naturally, gravitated towards the guestroom each night.

Nicky remembered that he hadn’t replied to Liam’s text so he kicked back the sheets and climbed out of bed. He left the room without saying a word to Shane. The brunette listened to his fleeting footsteps. It was a long time before he drifted off to sleep and it wasn’t until the following morning that Shane discovered Nicky had slept in the other guestroom.

*

The blonde awoke very early the following morning. He showered, shaved and dressed before going down the stairs and into the kitchen. He put the kettle on and made himself a cup of tea which he took outside and sat on the back porch, clutching the warm mug in his hands. The blonde reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone and placed it upon the table.  
He’d stayed up well into the night texting with Liam. The singer had been worried about Shane’s behaviour towards his brother but Liam had been very coy in his replies.

Nicky picked up the phone, scrolled through the contacts until he found Liam’s number then his finger hovered over the call button. Without even thinking about it, he pressed the button. Liam answered on the second ring.

“Nicky?” Liam sounded worried. “Is everything okay?”  
“Hey Liam” Nicky put his mug down. “I’m really worried about Shane. Do you think that… Maybe you could come over so we can talk?”  
“I don’t know, Nicky… Shane was really mad at me last night”  
“He’s going out later to see your sister”  
“So you want me to come around when he’s not at home?”  
“If that’s okay with you…?”  
“Yes, it’s fine… Uh… What time?”

Nicky told him a time that suited him then he hung up. He put the phone down, an uneasy feeling in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse after talking to Liam.   
The blonde was still sitting at the table when Shane came staggering outside. He pulled out a chair and sank down opposite Nicky. Neither one of them spoke.

Shane sneaked a peek at his lover who sat quietly beside him sipping his cup of tea. The brunette wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to keep warm and contemplated going inside for a warm drink. He wanted to say something to Nicky but he wasn’t sure what. He knew he should apologize for his behaviour but he still wasn’t ready to fully explain himself. Shane had made the decision to tell Nicky the truth about what had happened but now, as they sat together in silence, he knew he hadn’t quite worked up the courage yet.   
Deep down, he feared the truth would drive a larger wedge between them. He secretly believed the truth would cost him his relationship with his lover.

“You still going out today?” Nicky finally broke the silence.  
“Yes” Shane replied.  
“Okay”  
“I don’t have to go though”  
“No, you should… She’ll want to see you”  
“You could come with me?”  
“I… I think I’d rather stay here”  
“Alone?”

Nicky’s eyes shot up to meet Shane’s. The couple stared at each other for a few moments. Nicky was the first to look away.  
“I’ll be fine, Shane” he insisted.   
“Okay”  
A few more minutes passed in silence before Shane spoke again.

“I shouldn’t be gone too long” he said. “Maybe we can go out for lunch when I get back?”  
“Yeah” Nicky agreed. “Maybe”

The brunette sighed before getting to his feet and walking back into the house. Nicky watched him but didn’t say a word as Shane walked away.

*-* 

Nicky was sitting on the couch in the living room when he heard a knock at the front door. He climbed to his feet and went to greet Liam. The older man was standing on the porch, looking kind of nervous. The blonde opened the door and smiled sympathetically at him.

“Hey” Nicky greeted him.  
“Hey” Liam replied.  
“Come on in”

He stepped aside and allowed Liam to step past him. They made their way in silence into the kitchen and Nicky went straight to the refrigerator. He retrieved two beers and handed one to the older lad.

“Thanks” Liam smiled as he took the bottle. They drank in silence for a few moments.  
“So uh” Liam began. “Is Shane…?”  
“He went out… Only left about ten minutes ago” Nicky replied.  
“Right”  
Silence overcame them again. Nicky shifted a little uncomfortably under Liam’s gaze. He needed to say something to break the tension but he wasn’t quite sure what.

“How about we take these into the living room?” Nicky asked. It sounded weak but Liam smiled and agreed.

He fell in step behind Nicky, watching the blonde as he led the way back through the house and into the living room. Nicky’s jeans hugged his body in just the right way. Liam wanted, so badly, to run his hands all over that pert ass. He licked his lips and took a mouthful of beer, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry.  
They stepped into the room and Nicky sank down on the couch while Liam settled himself in the armchair. The older boy sneaked a peek at Nicky, remembering what it felt like to have that lithe body pinned beneath his own.

“I’m sorry about last night” Nicky began.  
“You’re sorry?” Liam asked.  
“For Shane’s behaviour…”  
“Oh, yeah he’s been acting a little… off lately”  
“Yeah… that uh that’s kinda my fault”  
“Your fault?”

Nicky nervously picked at the label on his beer bottle. He really wasn’t sure what to say. He’s asked Shane not to tell anyone what had happened to him but he could see the damage the secret was doing to Shane. His lover had no one to confide in, to talk to aside from Nicky. The blonde had never begrudged Shane’s relationship with his brother… Maybe he’d asked too much of Shane this time.

Nicky took a deep breath and slowly released it. He looked up and his eyes met with Liam’s. The older lad was watching him with such concern in his eyes. The blonde had always felt slightly uncomfortable around him but right now all he could see was empathy.

“I asked Shane to keep a secret from you” Nicky confessed.  
“A secret… From me?” Liam sounded puzzled.  
“Yeah… I know that you and he have this weird sibling relationship where you’re really close then drift apart then bond again… and Shane… Shane thinks highly of you, looks up to you and… wants to share with you… he wants you to be close… He once told me that, sometimes, when something good happens to him, it doesn’t really feel real for him until he shares it with you”  
Nicky found himself beginning to choke up but he coughed it away.  
“My brother and I aren’t that close… I mean we’re close but I… There’s a lot of stuff in my life that I can’t talk to him about… The kind of stuff that Shane does feel comfortable talking to you about”

“Nicky” Liam stood up and moved to sit on the couch beside the blonde. He reached out and placed his hand on Nicky’s knee but the singer flinched away. Liam snatched his hand back.  
“I’m sorry, Liam” Nicky looked away. “It… It’s not you”  
“It wouldn’t surprise me if it was… I uh… Know you and I have never been close…”  
“I never really made an effort with you and I should have… for Shane’s sake”  
“Is that why I’m here now?”  
“In a way”

The blonde finally looked up. Liam could see tears in his eyes but he didn’t try to touch him again.  
“Oh God” Nicky reached up and rubbed his eyes. He took another deep breath. “The reason Shane was so… off last night was… You see… Something happened the other night and it’s… Neither of us knows how to handle it”  
“Did you two have a fight? You didn’t break up!”  
“No… Of course we didn’t break up” Nicky tried to smile. He wasn’t looking as Liam so he didn’t see the flash of disappointment in his eyes.

Nicky covered his eyes with his hand as he spoke.  
“A few nights ago, someone broke in here and attacked me”  
“What?” Liam sounded shocked. “Attacked… How?”  
“I thought it was Shane… Thought he was playing a trick on me… So I didn’t fight him… I let… I let him tie me up and… and…”  
Nicky trailed off. Without thinking, Liam wrapped his arm around the blonde and pulled him into a hug.  
“Shane came home while it was happening and scared the lad off” Nicky finished.  
“Oh God” Liam stared down at the singer.   
“Neither of us saw his face, we have no idea who it was or why they did it”

“And that’s why Shane’s been so distracted lately” Liam added. Nicky nodded his head.   
“I asked him not to say anything to anyone” Nicky told him. “I was scared and in shock and… Embarrassed”  
“Embarrassed?”  
“I thought it was a game… I thought it was Shane… I… I let him do things to me” his voice dropped to barely a whisper. “I enjoyed it”

Luckily Nicky wasn’t looking at Liam as he spoke. The older lad was holding the upset singer in his arms, trying to comfort him, while grinning from ear to ear. Hearing Nicky say he’d enjoyed the things Liam had done to him was one of the greatest things he’d ever heard in his life.

“Oh Nicky” Liam tried to keep the excitement from his voice. “It wasn’t your fault”  
“I thought it was Shane” Nicky insisted. “The way he touched me, spoke to me, did things I secretly loved”  
“Shhhhhh” Liam gently petted the blonde on the back, attempting to offer comfort to the distressed singer.

“I… I think Shane blames himself” Nicky hurried to explain. “He… He left the house and went to… to see you… But you weren’t home and he came back and that’s when he walked in and… saved me”  
“I’m so sorry, Nicky”  
“I guess it was lucky you weren’t there or Shane wouldn’t have come back in time to stop him”  
“So you think Shane is mad at me for some reason?”  
“I think he’s mad at himself for going out and leaving me alone… If he’d been here then maybe it never would have happened”  
“I wish I knew what to say… What I can do to help”  
“I think Shane needs someone to talk to… I… I begged him not to say anything because I was embarrassed and ashamed of what happened but I think Shane’s equally upset… I think he blames himself as much as I blame myself”  
“You shouldn’t blame yourself, Nicky! None of this is your fault”

“But I let it happen!” Nicky insisted. “I let a complete stranger do things to me”  
“He tied you up, you couldn’t have fought if you’d tried… or if you had tried, he could have hurt you”  
“He did hurt me!” Nicky looked up at Liam with tear filled eyes. “He raped me, Liam… Sometimes I can still feel his hands on me” the blonde shuddered. His hand was shaking as he reached up to wipe the tears from his eyes. “The way he touched me… Slapped me… Forced himself inside me”

Liam took the beer bottle from Nicky’s trembling hand and placed it on the coffee table then he turned his complete attention to the singer. He reached up and wrapped both arms around the blonde, pulling him into a protective embrace.   
Nicky was very tense, unable to relax in Liam’s arms. It felt strange being comforted by someone other than his friends, family or Shane but Liam was here, concerned and wanting to comfort him.

“I hate it” Nicky confessed. “I… I hate knowing some stranger broke into my home… tied me up… saw me naked… spanked me and spat in my ass”  
“And took those photos of you” Liam added.

Nicky’s entire body froze with tension; all colour seemed to vanish from his face as he pulled away from Liam and stared into his eyes.  
“How did you know that?” Nicky’s voice shook as he asked the question.  
“Know what?” Liam replied. Nicky swallowed hard.  
“The photos”  
“You just said-”

Nicky broke completely free of Liam and stumbled to his feet, staring down at the older lad with fear in his eyes.  
“No! I didn’t… I didn’t mention anything about a camera” Nicky insisted. He was breathing very heavily now. “I never even told Shane that! How do you know that?”

In that instant, Liam’s entire façade crumbled.  
“Oh Nicky, I’m so, so sorry” Liam began as tears filled his own eyes. “I didn’t want to do it, I swear! I… I never wanted to hurt you!”  
“What are you talking about?”

Nicky’s heart was beating a mile a minute. His entire body was shaking as Liam stood up and took a step away from him. The older lad had tears in his eyes and was shaking his head from side to side.

“Please, Nicky?” Liam begged. “You have to believe me… I didn’t want to do it but I… I couldn’t say no… He’s my brother!”  
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Nicky shouted.  
“It was me! I… I did it” Liam sobbed. “I raped you”

“No!” Nicky shook his head from side to side in disbelief. “No!”  
“I had to!” Liam explained. “Shane begged me to”  
“What? No… He…. He wouldn’t…”  
“He came to me a few days ago” Liam reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes. He didn’t dare take another step towards Nicky. The singer was staring at him with tears in his own eyes. “And told me that you wanted to be raped”  
“I didn’t want to be raped!”  
“You wanted a rape-fantasy! Shane was against the idea. He said it was sick and disgusting and that he’d never be able to do it… I… I jokingly said that I’d do it… You’re an attractive lad and I… I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought about having sex with you… But… I… I… Shane looked at me and said ‘Okay’… I thought it was just a joke but he really wanted you to have your fantasy”  
“No”

Nicky continued to shake his head. He couldn’t believe what Liam was saying... He didn’t want to believe him.  
“No… No… No…” Nicky kept muttering to himself.

Liam took one step towards the blonde but Nicky didn’t react.  
“I’m so sorry, Nicky” Liam insisted. He reached out and placed his hand on the singer’s arm but Nicky pulled away as though he’d been burned.  
“No!” Nicky stated. “None of it makes sense! You… He… Shane would never do something like that to me!”  
“He just… He loves you, Nicky and he… He wanted you to… He wanted so badly to give you what you wanted but he knew he couldn’t do it”  
“But why would you?” Nicky asked. “I… It’s sick!”

Liam’s face hardened; his eyes darkened but the blonde wasn’t looking at him to notice.  
“Because I’m in love with you” Liam explained.

His surprising admission caused Nicky to look up and meet his eyes. The singer stared at him with a mix of confusion and doubt.  
“What?”  
“I’ve been in love with you for some time now” he kept his voice low and gentle. “But Shane’s my brother and he won your heart before I could… So I’ve just… admired from afar really… Then when he came to me and… he was a mess, Nicky… He told me what you did for him and he really wanted to… to return the favour but he was…”  
“Disgusted” Nicky finished. His voice deadpanned.  
“He couldn’t do it… Couldn’t bring himself to… to rape you”  
“And you could?”

Nicky turned and moved further away from Liam.  
“It wasn’t like that!” Liam insisted.  
“Then what was it?” Nicky shouted.  
“I never wanted to hurt you… I swear… I only wanted to be with you and Shane’s idea… as stupid and crazy and… dumb as it was… I thought I could help you… You wanted your fantasy, Shane couldn’t do it, I wanted to be with you and I… Stupidly believed you’d be okay if you really thought I was Shane”

“Shut up and take it, bitch” Nicky spat. “That’s what you said to me while you were… were…”  
“I panicked” Liam hastened to explain. “Once you realized I wasn’t Shane, I panicked and knew it was too late to back out then Shane came running in and-”  
“Shane saw you?” Nicky asked.  
“Of course” Liam replied. “He told me the next day that he’d changed his mind and came to stop me but by the time he got there…”

“No!” Nicky shouted. “I… I can’t hear any more of this!”  
The blonde turned on his heel and ran from the room. Liam was a few steps behind him and caught up when Nicky stopped to open the front door. The singer managed to step onto the porch before Liam grabbed hold of his arm.

“Let me go!” Nicky shouted.  
“Nicky, please?” Liam begged. “You have to believe me… I never wanted to hurt you”  
“But you did… You raped me!”  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

Liam pulled Nicky into a strong, forceful embrace that the singer tried hard to break free from. He didn’t want Liam to be touching him yet he couldn’t stop him. His mind flashed back to the way Liam had held him down, touched his cock and even tongued his ass. It sent a shudder down his spine and he fought even harder to pull away.

“Liam!” Nicky shouted.  
“I’m sorry” Liam begged. “Please, believe me!”

Then Liam made the mistake of kissing Nicky. He held the blonde singer in his arms, remembering the same things Nicky had just been thinking of… The way Nicky’s body had looked beneath his, how the blonde’s cock had hardened at his touch and how glorious it had felt to plunge his tongue deep inside his tight crevice. It had been everything he’d ever dreamed of and now the illusion was crumbing before his very eyes. Nicky was in his arms and he didn’t want to let go. 

Liam was so consumed with his goal that he didn’t hear the car pull up the front drive. He leaned forward and forced his lips upon Nicky’s. The blonde didn’t respond, didn’t even move as he froze in Liam’s embrace.  
As soon as the kiss ended, Nicky began to struggle again, yelling for Liam to release him.


	7. Chapter 7

Shane was surprised to see his brother’s car parked in the drive and was even more surprised to find Liam and Nicky standing on the front porch. Through the windshield he watched as Liam threw his arms around Nicky and pulled him close. The anger inside of Shane flared up and he leapt out of the car without even bothering to turn off the engine.  
He was half way there when he saw Liam kiss Nicky and he ran even faster. By the time he reached them, the kiss had ended but Liam was still holding Nicky. 

He hadn’t said a word so neither of them knew Shane was there until the brunette was attempting to prise Liam’s arms from Nicky’s body. The older boy took one look at his brother and gave in without a fight. He instantly released Nicky. 

There was a brief moment where everything froze, that split second where Shane was torn between hitting his brother and comforting Nicky. The decision made, Shane grabbed his brother’s shirt and slammed him up against the front door. The force caused the door to open and the two brothers to stumble.

Nicky watched in shock as Shane attacked his brother. The singer got in one punch before the older lad managed to get to his feet. Liam extracted himself from Shane and stepped outside. Shane scrambled after him.

“I told you to stay away from him!” Shane shouted at Liam.  
“I’m sorry” Liam said to Nicky. He could see tears in the blonde’s eyes and wanted to comfort him himself. “I’m sorry, Nicky… For everything”

An uneasy feeling washed over Shane as he looked from Liam to Nicky and back again.  
“What’s he talking about?” Shane asked Nicky. The blonde looked at Shane through his tear filled eyes.  
“I… I can’t…” Nicky shook his head then pushed past Shane.  
The blonde hurried down the front walk and climbed into the front seat of Shane’s still-running car. He closed the door, put on his seat belt then backed the car down the drive.

“Nicky?” Shane shouted as he ran towards the car. “Nicky?”  
But the blonde didn’t stop. Shane’s eyes locked with Nicky’s tear filled ones and his heart skipped a beat. Then Nicky looked away and the car disappeared from sight.

Shane turned back towards his brother.  
“What the fuck is going on?” Shane demanded. “What did you say to him?”  
“Nicky invited me over to talk about you and your behaviour last night” Liam explained.  
“What did you say to him?” Shane shouted again.

Liam opened his mouth to reply then stopped. He broke into a wide smile before trailing into a laugh. Shane stared at him in confusion.  
“You and you’re fucking impeccable timing” Liam stated. He shook his head as he started to walk away from his brother.  
“Don’t just walk away” Shane shouted at Liam’s back. “What did you say to Nicky?”  
“The truth”  
“The truth? You told him that it was you who…?”

Liam turned back and grinned maliciously at Shane.  
“Of course…” he replied. “I told him everything, how I didn’t want to do it but you begged me-”  
“I… What?”  
“Oh Shane, I just had to tell him how you so desperately wanted him to have his fantasy but were too disgusted to do it yourself and that you simply begged me to help you out”  
“No! He would never believe that!”  
“And yet he did”  
“No… No…”

Liam shrugged his shoulders then walked back to his car. He didn’t even look back as he climbed in, started the engine and drove away.

Shane watched as his brother’s car disappeared down the drive then he turned on his heel and hurried back inside the house. He raced for the phone and dialled Nicky’s number. He could hear the ringtone coming from the other room and carried the cordless phone with him into the Living Room. Nicky’s phone was on the coffee table next to two beer bottles. Liam must have been here for some time to have gotten comfortable.  
He ended the call and picked up Nicky’s phone. Shane sighed in disappointment then remembered he’d left his phone in his car… The car Nicky had driven off in. He quickly dialled his own number but it simply rang out. Knowing Nicky wouldn’t be able to listen to a voicemail on his phone, Shane didn’t bother to leave a message.  
He hung up and immediately rang Mark. His bandmate answered on the third ring.

“Hello?” he answered.  
“Kian?”  
“Shane?”  
“Uh I thought I called Mark…?”  
“Oh… Yeah… You did, I picked up his phone… He’s in the bathroom”  
“Umm… Okay… Uh… Can you have him call me back? It’s urgent… And if Nicky turns up, keep him there and call me, okay?”  
“Is everything okay?”  
“Just promise me, okay, Kian?”  
“Sure, I promise… Oh, Mark’s just walked in… Here”

Shane waited a moment while Kian passed the phone over to Mark.  
“Hello?” Mark greeted him.  
“Nicky knows” Shane hurried to explain. “Liam told him and he took off”  
“Oh Shane-”  
“I don’t want to hear ‘I told you so’ I know I messed up, Mark… I should have told him the truth myself but I didn’t”  
“Do you know where he went?”  
“No, he got into my car and just drove away… He was upset and… I… I have no idea where he’s gone or exactly what Liam said to him”  
“Do you want us to help you look for him?”  
“I…” Shane sighed. “I don’t even know where to start”  
“You don’t think he would drive back to Dublin? Do you?”  
“Oh, I hope not… Not while he’d so upset”

“But where else would he go?” Mark pondered.  
Shane heard muffled talking on Mark’s end of the conversation.  
“Kian’s wondering if he should go home in case Nicky turns up there” Mark added.  
“I don’t know” Shane replied. “If he went to Ki’s and he wasn’t home… I’d assume he would go straight to you, Mark”  
“But if he doesn’t want to be found by you…”  
“Gee, thanks”  
“Shane, he’s upset… If he doesn’t come to me or Ki then where else in Sligo can he go?”  
“I don’t know… I… I want to find him but I don’t know where he’d go… And he took my car”  
“What? Why would he take yours?”  
“It’s a long story… I don’t even…” Shane sighed. “I’m gonna go and see if I can find his car keys, he tends to leave them in random places around the house”

*

Nicky hadn’t thought about where he was going. All that had mattered was getting away from Shane and Liam and giving himself time to think. Driving proved a challenge as he couldn’t seem to stop the tears from forming in his eyes. The singer eventually pulled off the main road and followed the signs to Glencar Waterfall. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to go there but at least it was isolated.  
He climbed out of the car and followed the path leading up to the waterfall.  
The blonde sat down on the grass and buried his face in his hands. 

It was all too much to take in. Everything Liam had said to him… It was just too crazy to be true yet it all made sense… Or did it?  
Nicky didn’t want to believe it but everything fell into place… It explained so much. He couldn’t understand how a stranger had gotten into his home to attack him… He hadn’t truly believed Shane when he’d claimed to have not seen the attackers face… 

But how could Shane have allowed it to happen? Did Shane really have such disregard for their relationship that he’d allow his brother to do such a thing to his lover?

Nicky sat for a long time, watching the water flow before him. He wished he’d brought a jacket with him and wrapped his arms around himself. The singer was contemplating going back to his car when he sensed someone behind him. He didn’t know if he should turn around, in case it was a tourist or a fan, but whoever it was hadn’t tried to engage him in conversation.  
Several minutes passed with neither of them speaking. Then Nicky felt a jacket being draped around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Nicky” Liam’s voice was soft and gentle. “I never wanted to hurt you”  
“How did you find me?” Nicky was too numb to fight.  
“You once told me that every time you came here it was always deserted… Which made it a good place to think”  
“Uh huh”  
“I’m sorry for… everything, Nicky”  
“Are you, really?”

Liam sank down onto the ground beside the blonde.  
“I never wanted to hurt you” he explained. “I just… Wanted to be with you and I knew I’d never get the chance… It was wrong and stupid and… It was a mistake… A horrible mistake”  
“Why did you take photos of me?” Nicky asked.  
“Shane wanted proof that I’d…”  
“That… Doesn’t sound like him”  
“He’s taken photos of you before though… Hasn’t he?”

Nicky pulled the jacket tighter around himself. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with Liam right now. It felt wrong and made him feel slightly dirty. He’d never been ashamed of what he and Shane did in bed together but the way Liam said it…  
“Fuck… How do you know *that*?” Nicky asked him.  
“Does it matter?” Liam replied.  
“Tell me, please?”

Liam sighed.  
“I found some on Shane’s phone” he confessed. “I was looking for a photo of one of the horses and… it was an accident”  
“Shane promised to delete them!” Nicky insisted. “Fuck… What else has he lied to me about?”

“Nicky, Shane loves you” Liam stated.  
“I feel like an idiot” Nicky told him. “What the two of you did to me”  
“I’m sorry”  
“You keep saying that-”  
“Because I am! I thought I was…” he paused. “I thought I was doing the right thing for my brother… And I was being selfish too… It seemed so simple… Shane goes out, I use my key to sneak in, you and I have a bit of fun and then I leave… Shane comes home, you think it was him the whole time and everyone’s happy”  
Nicky didn’t say a word.  
“It was stupid and I never should have agreed to it… I’m sorry”

Now Liam fell silent. He wasn’t sure what more to say to Nicky. The blonde hadn’t looked at him the whole time but he hadn’t tried to leave either. Liam plucked a piece of grass and twirled it about between his fingers.  
They sat in silence for several minutes until Liam’s phone began to ring. The older lad didn’t reach for the phone to answer it. He merely let it ring out.

The singer was torn. He felt sick when the thought about what Shane and Liam had done to him yet Liam was here and was so very sincere in his apology.

“What you did was sick” Nicky finally said.  
“I know” Liam agreed.  
“So that’s why Shane went crazy last night?”  
“After he changed his mind and came to stop me… He started to blame me entirely… He doesn’t want to take any responsibility for his part in it and he… He told me to stay away from you… Said he never wanted to see me again and told me not to look at you ever again… So he was more than a little angry when I turned up for dinner last night but he couldn’t say anything in front of our parents”  
“I’ve spent the last week convinced that whoever attacked me was going to come back for seconds”  
“I’m sorry”  
“And Shane didn’t say anything… He could have told me the truth instead of letting me be scared of a lie”  
“He was trying to protect me and himself”  
“But at what cost?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“How can I trust him after this? I just can’t believe that Shane would do something like this to me… And you… You…”  
“Nicky-”

“I never knew how to act around you, Liam… Ever since we met, I always had this vibe from you… Like you were watching me like hawk… After Shane and I fell in love and he came out to you, I started to think you hated me… I’d see the way you look at me and kept thinking that you didn’t approve… That you thought I wasn’t good enough for your brother”  
“The truth is… I was jealous” Liam admitted. “I loved you long before Shane did and yet you chose him over me”  
“I’ve never seen you in that way, Liam… I never chose him over you; you were never an option for me”  
“Ouch”

Nicky almost cracked a smile.  
“I hate that you did this to me” Nicky confessed.  
“It was wrong” Liam agreed. “And stupid… I never wanted you to learn the truth… I don’t want you to hate me, Nicky… I only ever wanted to… To…”  
“Shane loves me”  
“He thought he was doing to right thing… We were a bit sloshed when the idea came to him and…”

“Why did you do it?” Nicky asked him. “Why would you do the things you did?”  
“What things?” Liam replied.  
“You pretended to be Shane”  
“To make it more real for you”  
“You didn’t have any… reservations about raping your brother’s boyfriend?”  
“I told myself that it wasn’t rape if you thought I was Shane and were able to enjoy it”

Liam saw the shudder pass through Nicky.  
“You purposely made me enjoy it” Nicky choked back tears.  
“I did” Liam confessed. “I wanted to give you as much… pleasure as I could”  
“Because you’re in love with me?”  
“Yes”

Nicky didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask any more questions. He just kept asking the same things over and over anyway. Liam seemed willing enough to answer him though.

“I’m sorry for the part I played” Liam said. “I hope, one day, you’ll be able to forgive me”  
The older lad climbed to his feet, turned on his heel and walked away. Nicky remained on the ground, hugging Liam’s jacket around his shivering form. He stayed there for a very long time.

*-*

Later that night, Liam was scrolling through the photos of Nicky on his computer. Shane had torn up the prints he’d made but his brother hadn’t thought to destroy the hard drive of the computer. He paused on the image of his gloved hand stroking the blonde’s hard cock and he licked his lips.

He’d messed up severely today when he let slip about these photos. He’d been forced to think fast and come up with, what he hoped, was a good cover story and he was starting to think that Nicky believed him.  
He thought Nicky may have seen right through him once he kissed the blonde but thankfully Nicky had still been in such shock from Liam’s admission that he seemed to have forgotten all about the kiss.

Liam scrolled to the previous photo of Nicky’s ass and he reached out, placing his hand upon the monitor. He wanted to feel the blonde’s flesh under his fingers again. He longed to plunge his cock back inside the beautiful, tight ass… But he knew it was not meant to be. He’d had his one chance, he couldn’t risk it again.

There was a loud knocking at the back door. Liam closed lid of his laptop and got to his feet. He could hear rain lashing at the roof, thunder echoing off in the distance. Liam opened the back door and was surprised to find Nicky standing there. He was still wearing Liam’s jacket.  
The older boy could see Shane’s car over Nicky’s shoulder. For some reason he’d parked in the back yard and was now standing by Liam’s back door.

“Nicky?” Liam asked. “What are you doing here?”  
“I didn’t know where else to go” Nicky confessed. “Where Shane won’t find me… Kian and Mark are both out and I… I can’t drive to Dublin in this weather”  
“Do you want to come in?”  
“Please”

Liam moved aside and Nicky stepped into the house. The older lad locked the door then escorted the blonde into the Kitchen. Nicky was shaking but Liam didn’t think it was from the rain. There were flecks of water in Nicky’s hair and on Liam’s jacket but the blonde had parked very close to the house.

“You didn’t park out front” Liam stated.  
“I… I don’t know if Shane would think to look for me here” Nicky confessed.  
“Why are you even here? You… You should hate me”  
“I do”  
“You do?”  
“You betrayed and hurt me… But you… You were stuck between a rock and a hard place… Shane’s your brother; you thought you were helping him… You didn’t care about hurting me in the process”  
“I did care! I never wanted to hurt you, Nicky”  
“But you did”  
“And I’m sorry”

Nicky shrugged out of Liam’s jacket and handed it back to the older boy.  
“Thanks for the jacket” he said before moving over to the counter and sliding into a chair.  
“I really tried not to hurt you” Liam tried to explain. “I… I wanted you to enjoy it” The blonde sniffled. “You did enjoy it… didn’t you?”

The singer looked up at Liam. There was a hint of embarrassment and fear in his eyes.  
“Why kind of question-” Nicky began but Liam cut him off.  
“Before it all went to shit… I was gentle and careful and…” tears formed in Liam’s eyes. “I did everything Shane said you liked”

His words did little to comfort Nicky. The blonde had to stop himself from gagging. It was true. He had enjoyed most of it but the second Liam had breached him, Nicky had realized he wasn’t Shane.

“So Shane told you to do those things to me?” Nicky whispered.  
“Not all of them” Liam confessed. “He didn’t say anything about slapping your ass”

Nicky shifted uncomfortably in the seat. It was the most bizarre conversation he’d ever had, and he’d done press interviews in Germany. He’d loved having his ass slapped, had been so turned on and had loved the idea of Shane getting aggressive with him.  
But it hadn’t been Shane…  
Of course Shane wouldn’t have been that adventurous. It had taken Nicky three months to convince him to rim him. Nicky shuddered. Liam had teased his ass something fierce and Nicky had practically begged him for more.  
How thick could he be to not realize it hadn’t been Shane?

“I want to believe you’re lying to me” Nicky admitted.  
“But I’m not” Liam insisted.  
“I don’t want to believe that you and Shane did this to me!”  
“We thought we were helping you”

Nicky snorted. Liam smiled.  
“Nicky,” he reached out and placed his hand on top of the blonde’s. Nicky slowly pulled it away. “Tell me, if you hadn’t realized… If we’d, hypothetically, gotten away with it… Wouldn’t you have been happy?”

The singer swallowed nervously. He hadn’t considered that.  
“Happy that Shane kept such a secret from me?” Nicky asked in disbelief.  
“If you had truly believed that Shane had done those things to you, you would have been happy, wouldn’t you?”  
“I don’t… I don’t know” he blinked back tears. “I hate myself for enjoying every second of it… if you hadn’t…”

“I’m sorry, Nicky…” Liam paused. “How did you?”  
“Know you weren’t Shane?” Nicky finished. “You’re bigger than him”  
“Really?”  
Liam sounded surprisingly smug. Nicky looked up at him and narrowed his eyes. The older boy immediately felt sheepish.  
“So if I hadn’t… If you hadn’t… Felt… the difference…” Liam trailed off.

“That’s what makes this so hard!” Nicky cried. “I feel sick and used and stupid and-”  
“No, Nicky” Liam cut him off. “This is my fault for agreeing in the first place”  
“Shane never should have asked you”  
“I just wanted to help and…”

“You wanted to have sex with me” Nicky stated.  
“Yes”  
“Because you’re in love with me”  
“Yes”  
“Did I make a mistake in coming here?”  
“What?”  
“Can I trust you, Liam?”  
“You have no reason to… But yes, I swear”  
“You kissed me today”  
“I did”  
“Why?”  
“I don’t know… I was caught in the moment and didn’t even think…”

“What am I going to do?” Nicky asked. “How can Shane and I get past this?”  
“I don’t know, Nicky” Liam tried to sound sincere. “But if you love each other… You’ll find a way, I know you will”  
“Can I stay here tonight?”  
“Are you sure that’s what you want?  
“I don’t know where else to go… I can’t go to Mark or Kian and I can’t go home to Shane, not yet anyway”  
“I always keep the guest room made up… The door locks from the inside if you don’t trust me”

Nicky wasn’t sure if Liam was making a joke or not so he didn’t know if he should laugh.  
“Did you want something to eat?” Liam asked.  
“No, thank you” Nicky shook his head.  
“Have you eaten today?”  
“Not since breakfast”  
“There’s soup in the fridge, let me warm some up for you”

The blonde didn’t object so Liam spent the next few minutes moving about the kitchen, preparing two bowls of soup. He placed one in front of Nicky and sat down with a bowl himself. They sat in silence while Liam ate and Nicky played with his.  
After the blonde managed to eat about half, he declared he was tired so Liam showed him to the guest room and brought him a towel. Liam said goodnight to the singer then left him on his own.

Nicky showered and climbed into bed. He pulled the duvet up to his chin and snuggled under the warm blankets. He’d opted to sleep in his underwear rather than his usual night time attire of nothing. He hoped he wouldn’t have to get up during the night and accidentally bump into Liam.

The blonde couldn’t sleep. He was used to having Shane lying beside him, the sound of his lover’s breaths both comforting and annoying. He wondered how difficult it would be to lay beside the brunette, knowing the younger boy had passed him off to his brother.  
It was all he’d thought about all day. He just didn’t understand how Shane could do something like that to him. He thought Shane loved him. Nicky loved Shane with all his heart but would he be able to forgive him for this?

*

Liam was in his own room with his laptop open in front of him, staring at the photo of Nicky’s ass. He knew he should be happy, Nicky was sleeping in the next room and his relationship with Shane had all but collapsed… But he didn’t feel very happy.  
Nicky had looked so defeated and broken when he’d turned up at Liam’s house. Even after he’d eaten and Liam had escorted him to bed, the pained yet vacant expression still lined his features.

He wasn’t sure what he’d really expected. That Nicky would immediately turn against Shane and come running to Liam with open legs? No, that wasn’t going to happen. 

Nicky and Shane loved each other. Liam sighed. He’d gotten to Nicky first but the blonde would eventually go back to Shane and hear his side of the story. It would only be a matter of time before Nicky realized that Liam had been lying to him.  
Shane was his brother and Nicky was the love of Shane’s life… Their love would survive Liam’s meddling, wouldn’t it?  
He opened the video he’d stolen from his brother’s phone and watched as Nicky touched himself, bringing himself to the edge then coming all over his hand. 

A pang of guilt shot through him. Less than twenty four hours ago he’d jerked himself off to this video, now it made him feel sick. Nicky looked at Shane so lovingly as he got himself off. He’d never look at Liam like that, especially now that he knew the truth. No matter what happened from here on out, nothing would ever change the fact that Liam had raped Nicky… Whether the blonde enjoyed it or not, rape was rape.

Liam put the computer aside and got up. He quietly made his way out into the hall and walked towards the guestroom where Nicky was sleeping. He knocked twice and received no answer. He reached out and grasped the door knob, the door opened at his touch. Liam smiled; Nicky hadn’t locked the door on him.  
The room was pitch black.

“Nicky?” Liam whispered. “Are you still awake?”  
He received no response from the sleeping blonde so he simply backed out of the room, closing the door behind him as he went.

*-*

Shane didn’t sleep at all. He spent over an hour searching the house for Nicky’s car keys but couldn’t find them. Mark took pity on him and came over. He hustled Shane into his car and the two of them drove around for nearly two hours in search of the blonde but there was no sign of him or Shane’s car.  
Mark tried ringing Shane’s phone but there had been no answer. Kian checked in with them to report that Nicky hadn’t tried to contact him at all. Shane considered calling Nicky’s parents in the hope that he’d managed to make it back to Dublin but he didn’t want to alert them that something was wrong.

In the end Shane had been forced to return home. Mark and Kian wanted to keep him company but the brunette still believed there was a chance that Nicky would turn up at one of their houses.  
When the storm began to roll in, Shane got more anxious and was even more convinced that Mark or Kian would call him any second and tell him that Nicky was safe and sound… But no call came through.  
He kept the phone by his side all night just in case. He also refused to sleep all night in hopes that Nicky would randomly come home at 3am and they could talk about it.

He hated Liam so much for putting him in this position… For lying to and attacking Nicky the way he had. He also hated himself for not taking Mark’s advice sooner and telling his lover the truth. He never should have lied to Nicky. He should have confessed everything to him and apologized profusely until Nicky forgave him.  
But it was too late for that. All he could do was hope and pray that their love would survive this… That Nicky hadn’t believed Liam’s lies… But Nicky hadn’t come home yet which meant that the sting of betrayal was hurting him as much as Shane had feared it would.

Shane buried his face in his pillow and sobbed.


	8. Chapter 8

Nicky had feared Liam’s intentions when the older boy had knocked on the door to the room he’d been staying in but had been surprised when Liam had simply walked away. The following morning he awoke very early and dressed quickly before venturing into the kitchen.   
Liam was already there, drinking a cup of coffee and dressed in boxers and a robe… A robe that wasn’t even tied closed. Nicky’s eyes skimmed over the older lad’s body and he tried not to shudder.

Was that what their relationship would be like from now on? Each time he looked at Liam, he could imagine the older lad’s body towering over his own. Liam smiled at him and took a sip of his coffee. Then his eyes locked with Nicky’s as he licked his lips.  
The blonde averted his eyes. He was grateful to Liam for letting him stay the night but now he felt awkward. Liam was now licking jam off his fingers and Nicky couldn’t help think of Liam’s tongue exploring his ass.

“Morning” Liam greeted him.  
“Hey” Nicky replied. “Uh… Morning”  
“You sleep okay?”  
“Off and on… Had a lot on my mind”  
“I get it”

“Well” Nicky began. “I should probably go…”  
“Go?”  
“Yeah… Uh… Thanks for uh letting me stay here last night”  
“Anytime, Nicky… You sure you don’t want a coffee or something?”  
“No, I should go”  
“Go where? Back to Dublin”  
“I… Don’t know yet”

Liam put his coffee cup down then turned his complete attention to Nicky. The blonde was keeping his distance from the older lad.  
“Is everything okay between us?” Liam asked him. “That’s probably a dumb question, huh?”  
“I don’t know, Liam” Nicky confessed. “I’ve never… Nothing like this has happened to me before”  
“I’m truly sorry for my part in it”  
“I believe you”

“Are you going to see Shane?” Liam wanted to know.  
“I guess… Eventually” Nicky really wasn’t sure. He knew he’d have to talk to him eventually.  
“What are you going to say to him?”  
“I don’t know”  
“He never meant to hurt you either”  
“Yeah, I’m sure he didn’t”

A few minutes later Nicky was sitting in Shane’s car, trying to decide where he needed to go. He knew he couldn’t stay here with Liam but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to face Shane or Kian and Mark. He knew could go to Kian’s or Mark’s but that was almost on par with seeing Shane. For all he knew, Shane was at Mark or Kian’s, freaking out over Nicky’s disappearance.  
Then the blonde started to feel guilty. He shouldn’t have fun off the way he had. He’d taken Shane’s car for no reason then set off with no word or warning. Shane was probably freaking out, not knowing where Nicky was or why he’d gone.

He started to rummage about for Shane’ phone; he’d heard it ringing the previous day. It had fallen under the passenger seat. He found it and tried to turn it on but the battery was dead. The singer opened the glove compartment to search for the in car phone charger and quickly plugged it in.  
His eyes fell upon a book and he pulled it out. He didn’t recognize it and wondered where Shane had gotten it from. The pages fell open and he saw it was hand written but the writing wasn’t Shane’s.

Nicky opened the first page and began to read the first entry.  
‘I had a dream about one of Shane’s new band mates’ he read. ‘I know it’s weird and wrong because he’s so young but I’ve never seen anyone as captivating as him”

The book had to belong to Liam. He was certain of it.   
Nicky read the entire entry by the time he got to the end of the page, he was beginning to feel ill. He put the book down on the seat, started the car and drove away from Liam’s house. 

Once he was a safe distance away, he pulled the car off the road and into a car park. He turned the engine off, picked up the book and turned to the second page. Nicky spent the next half hour reading everything Liam had written.  
With each entry he began to feel more and more ill.   
Liam wasn’t just in love with Nicky he was clearly a cross between infatuated and obsessed. His heart began to race as he read all of Liam’s secret longings and fantasies. Nicky’s hands were shaking before he was even halfway through.

Each entry was dated so he searched the pages for several days ago. The writing on this page was somewhat illegible, like he’d been hurrying to write everything down at once.

‘Nicky wants to be raped! He told Shane last night and my stupid brother pretended not to hear him. He thinks the whole thing is sick and twisted and he doesn’t want to do it. What the fuck is wrong with him? I can’t think of anything sexier than Nicky, tied up and blindfolded, being fucked against his will… God, if only there was some way I could convince Shane to let me do it for him… But he’d never go for that, no way… He loves Nicky too much for that.  
I tried to talk him around, to see it from Nicky’s side and… I just wanted to tell him to man up and fuck the lad he loves. If Nicky wants it badly enough then why doesn’t Shane just give it to him?  
There must be a way around it, some way I can take advantage of the situation and get Nicky into my bed. I know it’s wrong to want him; Shane’s my brother but seriously? Nicky’s practically offering himself up on a silver platter… I can’t let an opportunity like this pass me by. I have to do this, for him, for Shane, for me!’

Nicky opened the car door and stumbled out onto the sidewalk. He barely made it two steps before he found himself dry retching in the gutter, the journal still clutched in his hand. He sat on the ground, clutching the book to his chest and feeling more ill than before.  
His hands were shaking as he climbed back into the driver’s seat. He left the door open, hoping the cool air would calm him.

He was an even bigger idiot than he’d thought. How could he have been stupid enough to believe Liam’s crazy story? Of course it hadn’t been Shane’s idea!   
Shane would never do something like that to him… The idea would never have crossed his mind.

Nicky got out of the car again and made his way across the car park. He went inside the store and purchased a bottle of water then he returned to Shane’s car and sat inside, sipping the liquid and hoping it would make him feel better.

After a few minutes of resting in the cool breeze and drinking the bottled water, Nicky started the engine and turned the car towards home. His hands were trembling as he drove closer and closer to the house and to Shane. He pulled into the drive and killed the engine then he simply sat in the car, gazing up at the house.  
He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say to Shane or how he was going to say it. He knew he had every right to be angry and upset with his lover yet Shane would probably be equally as riled up; for Nicky had taken off yesterday with no explanation and had made no attempt to even tell Shane where he was or if he was okay.

The blonde got out of the car and, still clutching the journal in his hand, he started up the front walk. It seemed to take forever to get there. He unlocked the front door and stepped inside the home he and Shane had built their life together in.   
The first thing he saw was a photo of the two of them with their arms around each other. The second photo he saw was one of Shane and his brothers; Liam’s smile sent a shiver down his spine.

Nicky was still staring at the photo when Shane appeared. He saw Nicky in the hall and paused. He wanted to run to him, to take him in his arms and kiss him but Shane didn’t know how Nicky would react to that.

“Nicky?” Shane didn’t mean to startle him but the blonde jumped anyway.  
He turned to look at the brunette and Shane could see the tears in his eyes.  
“Shane” Nicky sobbed.  
The younger boy spotted Liam’s journal in Nicky’s hand and he gasped.

“Where did you get that?” Shane asked him.  
“Where did *you* get it?” Nicky replied.  
“I stole it from Liam’s house”  
“When?”  
“The day after he…” Shane hesitated. “I think we need to talk about this”  
“I think so too”

Nicky walked past Shane and into the Living room. The brunette followed him and he watched as Nicky placed the journal on the coffee table then sank down on the couch. Shane wasn’t game enough to get too close to his lover. He didn’t know exactly what Liam had said to him or how much he’d believed.

“Ask me anything” Shane began. “And I promise to tell you the truth”  
“Did you know about it?” Nicky asked him.  
“Know about what?”  
“Did you know what Liam was going to do to me?”  
“What? No! I never would have let him touch you!”  
“Liam told me that… He said it was your idea”  
“No fucking way!” Shane tried to keep his voice even but the anger bled through.

“I believed him, Shane” Nicky confessed. He sounded disappointed in himself.  
“What?” Shane asked in disbelief.  
“That’s why I took off yesterday… Everything Liam said made sense… It explained so much… Why things were weird between the two of you, why you got so mad at him during dinner, how a random stranger managed to break into our house and do things to me… things I liked”  
“I should have told you the truth… That it was Liam who hurt you”  
“I know why you didn’t… He’s your brother… But the fact that you didn’t tell me, that you kept secrets from me, made it easier for me to believe him”  
“Where did you go yesterday? I looked for you but I…”  
“I went for a drive… to think… Liam found me and talked to me… Made everything sound so convincing”  
“Where did you sleep last night? I had Kian and Mark on alert to let me know the second you turned up and when you didn’t I was afraid you’d gone back to Dublin”  
“I went to Liam’s”

“You what?” Shane was shocked by Nicky’s confession.  
“I knew you wouldn’t think to look for me there” Nicky admitted.  
“Of course I wouldn’t look THERE”  
“It was raining and dark and I didn’t know where else to go… He took me in and let me sleep in the guestroom… I left first thing this morning and… I wanted to call you. I did a lot of thinking last night… I found that” Nicky pointed to the journal on the table “in the glove compartment and started reading it”

“Oh Nicky” Shane shook his head. “You shouldn’t have read that… The things he wrote in there…”  
“How did you get it?” Nicky asked again.  
“I went to his house the days after he… you know… And I searched it, I was looking for the key he’d used to get in here and I found it… the key and the journal were in his bedroom. I started to read the things he’d written and it made me feel sick… So I took it and I was going to destroy it but I wasn’t sure how I was going to sneak it past you to burn it… I never wanted you to see the things he wrote about you”  
“You told him so much, Shane”  
“I know”  
“No, you told him everything about us! He knew things about our relationship… intimate stuff that I never told anyone… Stuff I was nervous about sharing with you and you went straight to him with it”  
“I’m sorry”  
“Again, it’s why I believed so much of what he told me… Even though I didn’t want to… It just… It made sense even though it didn’t”

“You really thought I’d do that to you?” Shane asked him. “Just palm you off onto my brother?”  
“You thought a rape fantasy was sick and twisted” Nicky replied. “It made sense that you’d want to get out of it but not want to let me down”  
“Liam was the one who told me to give it a chance… Said you deserved it and trusted me enough to… To tell me that was what you wanted…”  
“I did trust you, Shane… I… Think I still do”  
“You think you do?”  
“I don’t know… I honestly don’t know what to think anymore”

“I swear, if I’d had any idea of Liam’s intentions” Shane insisted. “I never would have left you alone that night… or any other night... ever… I wish I hadn’t been so blind”  
“Blind?”  
“How could I not see it? How did I not know my own brother was obsessed with my boyfriend?”  
“He hid it well”  
“But you said yourself you got a vibe from him… Like you didn’t think he liked you very much”  
“Well, clearly I was wrong about that… He obviously liked me too much”  
“I’m so sorry, Nicky… I should have seen it”  
“I didn’t see it, either, Shay… He’s obviously been keeping it to himself for a long time… It was only a matter of time before he snapped”

“I wish he hadn’t…” Shane whispered. “I wish none of this had ever happened”  
“Me too” Nicky agreed. “But we can’t un-do it…”  
“How can you be so calm about this?”  
“I spent all night thinking about it… Getting angrier and angrier at you, blaming you, thinking you had done this to me... And I hated myself for getting mad because deep down, I didn’t understand how you could do it to me”  
“But I would never-”  
“But you did” Nicky cut him off.  
“What?” Shane asked.  
“You made a promise to me, at Mark’s, that you’d never lie to me and you were lying through your teeth”

Shane’s face fell. It was true. He had looked Nicky in the eye and lied to him.  
“I wanted to tell you the truth” Shane insisted. “I was going to fess up, honest and truthfully Nicky… But I was scared and selfish… I was afraid you would blame me for what Liam did and… And that I would lose you”

There was an uneasy silence that flittered into the room and enveloped them. The unasked question seemed to be hanging in the air between them.  
“I was a coward” Shane admitted. “Plain and simple… I was terrified that the truth would tear us apart… But the lie seems to have done the same amount of damage… if not more so”

“I do get it” Nicky reiterated. “He’s your brother… But he told me that you were in on the whole thing”  
“I swear I wasn’t” Shane was fighting back tears of his own.  
“I want to hear your side of the story”  
“You do?”  
“Of course… Liam told me his version, so now I want to hear yours”  
“Where should I start?”  
“Anywhere at all”

Shane took a deep breath and slowly released it. There was so much he had to tell Nicky, so much he had to apologize for, so much he needed to make right with his love.

“I never meant to tell Liam so much about us” Shane started at the very beginning. “But he was willing to listen and I liked having someone to talk to about it… What you and I had, it was so new to me… new and scary… I didn’t know what I was doing, how it was going to work between us but it did and I love you so much… I feel so stupid now for pouring so much of my heart out to Liam… I felt physically sick when I found that” Shane pointed to the journal “and saw that he’d written everything down… Every tiny insignificant detail that I’d let slip he wrote down… I never thought twice about anything I said to him… He’s my brother. He was always there with a beer and a shoulder to lean on”  
Shane paused. He wasn’t sure if Nicky was going to say anything.  
“Anytime something amazing or something awkward happened, I knew I could talk to him and I’d feel better… Looking back, I should have just talked to you but sometimes I didn’t know how to… I was scared of letting you down or disappointing you… Liam always gave me the ego boost I needed”

Nicky was staring at the journal. Shane wondered just how much of it he’d read. He stood up and moved to sit on the couch beside the blonde.  
“When you told me how you wanted to be raped, I panicked” Shane explained. “I wasn’t going to tell Liam, honest… But I was distracted all day and he could tell so he sat me down and worked it out of me… That was when he told me that if I really loved you then I’d do it… And he suggested I talk to you more, find out more about it, research it, stuff like that. Everything he said was smart and made sense so I took his advice and did a whole lot of research… He told me a set time to come round to his place so we could talk it out and I could figure out exactly how to talk to you about it”  
“Shane, you shouldn’t need to practice talking to me” Nicky said.  
“I know I shouldn’t but I felt like I needed to… I was scared of screwing it up” he actually snorted. “Idiot Shane, that’s me”

Nicky reached out and placed his hand upon Shane’s knee.  
“You’re not an idiot, Shane” Nicky insisted.  
“Liam called me one in there” he nodded towards the journal. “Several times actually”  
“He was just jealous of you, Shay”  
“So I agreed to go to Liam’s house” he continued his story. “I left you alone, asked you to lock the front door behind me and set off for Liam’s… But when I got there, he wasn’t home and I thought that was weird because he’d promised to be there. I called his phone but it went straight to voicemail. I didn’t feel right being there without him so I came home. The door was unlocked. I came upstairs and found him… with you… I was too shocked to do anything. He looked right at me and I just stared at him, I couldn’t move… I called out to you and he fled… He knew he’d been caught so he just took off… I wanted to go after him but you needed me so I stayed with you”  
“Shay”  
“I lied about seeing his face because I didn’t know what else to do… I didn’t want to believe it, even though I’d seen him with my own eyes... I kept telling myself it had to be some kind of mistake, that my brother would never do something like that to you… to us”

Nicky’s hand was still resting on Shane’s knee, he squeezed it reassuringly.  
“I’m so sorry, Nicky” Shane whispered. “I should have told you the truth then and there but I didn’t… I made the decision to lie to you. It was wrong and dumb and-”  
“And I probably wouldn’t have believed you anyway” Nicky added. “I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it was Liam who’d done it”  
“What did make you believe him?” Shane wanted to know.  
“Something that he said to me” Nicky admitted. “Something that I hadn’t even told you about that night… He took photos of me, while I was… While he was…”

“I know” Shane confessed. “He wrote it in his journal and I found the photos while searching his room”  
Nicky buried his face in his hands.

“What’s going to happen to us, Nicky?” Shane asked.  
“I don’t know” Nicky said truthfully.   
“Will you ever be able to forgive me?”  
“Will you forgive me for believing Liam over you?”  
“He had no reason to lie to you. You weren’t to know he wasn’t telling you the truth”

“I think I need some time to be alone and process everything” Nicky said.  
“Of course, I’ll uh-” Shane trailed off.  
“I’m going to go home for a while”  
“Home”  
“Back to Dublin, Shane… I need to get away from here, from Liam”  
“From me?”  
“I just need some time. Please Shane?”

Shane reached up and placed his hand upon Nicky’s cheek. He was relieved that his love didn’t flinch away from his touch.  
“Take all the time you need” Shane said to him. “I’ll still be here, waiting for you to come back to me”   
Nicky closed the space between them and softly kissed Shane’s lips.

The conversation now over, Nicky got to his feet and picked up the journal. Taking it with him, he went upstairs to pack a few things into an overnight bag. Shane stayed on the couch the entire time the blonde packed. He wanted to follow, to say something but he wasn’t sure what more could be said.  
Nicky returned about ten minutes later, bag in hand, and stopped in the doorway.

“Can you tell Mark and Kian what’s happened?” Nicky asked him. “It’s up to you if you tell them everything or just what they need to know”  
Shane nodded his head in understanding. He felt numb as he got to his feet and followed Nicky outside to his car.

The blonde handed Shane’s keys back to him then made his way to his own car. Nicky threw the bag in the back seat before opening the driver’s side door. Shane held the door open for him.  
“Are we going to be okay?” Shane murmured.  
“I hope so” Nicky replied.

He took a step towards Shane and allowed the brunette to pull him into a hug. He wrapped his own arms around Shane’s waist and they held each other close for a long time. The younger boy placed a gentle kiss to his lover’s cheek.  
As they separated, Shane could see tears in the blonde’s eyes.

“I love you, Nicky” Shane assured him. “I always will”  
“I know” Nicky replied. “I… I’ll keep in touch”

He climbed into the car and pulled the door closed. Shane watched as Nicky put his seat belt on, put the key in the ignition and started the engine. He waved as the car backed down the drive, the blonde waved back.   
Shane stayed in the yard long after Nicky’s car had disappeared from sight then he sank down in the grass and cried.


	9. Chapter 9

He’d received a text from Nicky the night he’d left, stating that he’d made it back to Dublin and intended to visit his parents for a few days. He wasn’t expecting to hear from the blonde again and he didn’t.

Shane tried to keep himself busy but he wasn’t willing to go to the stables nor did he want to visit his parents from fear of Liam dropping in. The singer hadn’t made any attempt to rectify things with his brother and he didn’t intend to.  
About three days after Nicky left, Shane was in the local supermarket and spotted Liam. He turned his back on the older lad and walked right past him, pretending he couldn’t see him. Childish? Perhaps but Nicky was gone and it was Liam’s fault. If Liam’s actions had cost Shane his relationship with Nicky then he knew he would never, ever forgive his brother.

He started spending more time with Kian and Mark, much to their annoyance. Shane didn’t realize he was in their way and they were too polite to say anything to him. He’d told them the whole, twisted story. Thankfully Mark kept his ‘I-told-you-so’ quips to himself. But they could see the effect Nicky’s leaving had on Shane. Their band mate was terrified that he’d lost the blonde for good.  
Both Mark and Kian tried to assure him that Nicky loved Shane and just needed some time to himself. But as the days passed, even they started to feel a little uneasy. 

Nicky texted both of them; checking in and asking if they were keeping an eye on Shane. They assured him everything was fine and to take as much time as he needed to recover from everything.  
That was easier said than done as Nicky wasn’t sure how to come back from something like this. It wasn’t like he could google ‘what to do when you’re raped by your boyfriend’s brother and they both lie to you about it’ not that he hadn’t tried to google it.

He spent a lot of time on the computer, googling different variations of that question. He wasn’t sure if he was over reacting or under reacting to his situation. There were so many sites that he felt like he was being overwhelmed by all the information.   
The singer eventually had to turn the computer off and leave the house. He visited his parents and his sister, went for long walks and even tried reading a book but nothing proved distracting enough… All he could think about was Shane and how much he missed him.

Shane started doing the rounds of all his family members. He tried to put on a happy face which was easy to do around his nieces and nephews but when he was alone, he fell into a stupor.   
The nights were long and lonely without Nicky in bed beside him. He longed for simpler times when they would stay up all night, kissing and holding each other with promises of their future together.  
Shane wanted to believe their love had been strong enough to survive this but what if it hadn’t? He wasn’t sure what he would do if Nicky didn’t want him anymore. 

He couldn’t help wondering what it would also mean for the future of the band. Surely Nicky would still be able to work with him on a professional level but would Shane be able to work with Nicky? Would he be able to be by his side every day but only able to look, not touch? Smile at but not kiss? Hug but never hold?

Shane was curled up on the couch, staring at the TV but not paying any attention to it. The clock on the wall told him it was after midnight and he knew he should go to bed but he wasn’t tired. He still hadn’t returned to sleeping in their bedroom, not since the memory of Liam hurting Nicky was still so fresh in his mind. Yet sleeping in the guest room felt weird without his lover curled in his arms.  
He hadn’t heard from the blonde in days but Shane hadn’t tried to contact him either. It took all of his willpower not to text Nicky but he was determined to give the older boy the space he’d asked for.

The brunette sighed, picked up the remote and turned the television off. He sat in the very quiet room, hating the silence of being all alone. When his phone beeped, the sound echoed around the room and almost made Shane jump with surprise.  
He snatched up the phone, wondering who would be texting him so late at night.

It was only one word but it made Shane’s heart leap into his throat.  
‘Hey’   
‘Hey’ Shane quickly typed back.  
‘You’re still awake’  
‘Can’t sleep’  
‘Me neither’

Shane took a deep breath, wondering what to say next.  
‘I miss you’ he wrote.  
‘I miss you too’ Nicky replied.

The brunette held his phone close, wondering if Nicky was going to say anything else. Several minutes passed and nothing happened. Shane was thinking of something to send when the phone started ringing. He answered on the second ring.

“Shay?” Nicky sounded tired.  
“Hey” Shane replied.   
“Hey”  
“You sound tired”  
“So do you”  
“I haven’t slept much”  
“Me neither… I miss you”  
“I miss you too”

They’d both said the same thing seconds ago via text but hearing the other person say it aloud made them both realize how very true their words were.

“I should go” Nicky said. “It’s late and I…”  
“Yes?” Shane asked.  
“I just wanted to hear your voice”  
“I miss you so much, Nix”  
“Goodnight, Shay”  
“Goodnight, Nicky”

“Shane?” Nicky cried before the brunette could hand up.  
“Nicky?” Shane asked.  
“I… Uh…”  
“It’s okay… you don’t have to say anything”  
“I want to”

Shane waited a moment longer, wondering what exactly Nicky wanted to say to him.

“I love you” Nicky’s voice didn’t waiver, not even a little.  
“I love you too Nicky” Shane felt tears forming in his eyes but he quickly blinked them back.  
“Goodnight, Shay”  
“Goodnight, Nicky”

The blonde ended the call.   
Shane sat on the couch for a long time, just staring at the phone in his hand. He opened the last message Nicky had sent, the one stating that he missed him, and he smiled to himself. Nicky still loved him!   
There was still a future for them. It wasn’t going to be easy but they were going to get through this. They were going to be okay.

Shane couldn’t resist sending one last text.  
‘Love you, goodnight’  
‘Love you too’ Nicky wrote back. ‘See you tomorrow’


End file.
